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The Class Of 2013 Asks For Mary Ann's Back

Published: Monday, January 28, 2013

Updated: Monday, January 28, 2013 00:01

ATTENTION UNDERCLASSMEN:

We the Seniors, in order to form a more perfect Tuesday…

As the hundred days dance is looming just a couple weeks away, the senior class is faced with a question of identity. What is it that unites us as seniors? One might argue that it is the easy class schedule, the class-free Mondays and Fridays. Or possibly the crippling anxiety about finding an income come June. Maybe one might say we are united by the common fear that Dave Shinskie is our estranged uncle (how old is he, seriously?). Maybe we think we are united by Ann Patchett’s advice to us during our first few days as an Eagle.

But in reality, when push comes to shove, we know what pulls together the senior class. Seniors are united by the beacon of hope in the form of a yellow marquis, with a green text bearing a female Irish name . We are united by a bathroom smaller than a port-o-potty. By a $2 Rolling Rock. By a modern day jukebox that sucks all the ones out of our wallets so that we can hear Taylor Swift remind us that she is never getting back together. We are brought together by the dirty draft glasses and the true illness that is Hoop Fever. But there is something restraining us from fulfilling our destinies at Mary Ann’s.

What is standing in our way? It’s the freshmen who should be crammed in a double on Newton passing around a bottle of Ruby Razz. The sophomores who should be waking up the next morning in Walsh without a clue if they ever left the building last night. The juniors who are reveling in the freedom of off-campus living, but don’t understand that Cleveland Circle isn’t theirs just yet.

Mary Ann’s has ended its love affair with the seniors—and we are willing to fight to get it back.

Tuesday Senior Night has been stripped of its title. Tuesday’s should now be called "Underclassmen Wearing Skanky Outfits" Night. Now on Tuesdays, seniors are divided by cab rides and entry fees all over Boston. An tua Nua? J Tree? And what in God’s name is Rumor?

Dearest underclassmen. We will let you into our mod. We will give you our beer. Just get the hell out of that line hugging the uneven brick wall outside Mary Ann’s. Give us back our Tuesday night dive bar and we will give you back our respect.

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