The fact that the Earth is going to meet its fiery, horrible, seizure-inducing destruction roughly three years from now is no reason why Roland Emmerich shouldn't be making money. In a final act of human compassion, however, the director of The Day After Tomorrow has deigned to forewarn us of how terrible our collective demise will be via a film, 2012, that seems to roughly consist of three hours of John Cusack driving various vehicles while the planet literally crumbles around him, and a single Buddhist monk getting wiped out by a tidal wave (which will apparently form as a result of the Himalayas melting).
Yes, in the three-minute trailer, Cusack can be seen flying an airplane through L.A. as it collapses, driving an RV through what looks like Yellowstone national park while being pelted with giant fireballs, riding a train through an underground bunker, back in the airplane flying under another train as it explodes, in a helicopter above the Rocky Mountains, and even driving a car out of the cargo bay of an airplane in the Siberian tundra (note: none of these are made up). I imagine at some point in the screenwriting process someone asked Emmerich what the most plausible way to survive the apocalypse would be. His answer, without hesitation, was, "Get in as many vehicles as possible."
Roland Emmerich's catastrophe survival tips aside, it seems strange that the genre of disaster-porn has been elevated to a point where movie audiences are clamoring to witness the destruction of the entire planet (but especially that one Buddhist monk). The mere fact that 2012 doomsayers are appeased to the extent of having both a blockbuster Hollywood film and countless history channel specials both produced and currently in production in their interest is symptomatic of what seems to be a widespread state of mental drought.
Why is it that conspiracy theorists across the globe have been stockpiling spam in their parent's basements and furiously blogging about the end of time on account of a calendar drafted over 4,000 years ago by a civilization that (in spite of their remarkably advanced state) believed that the sun would stop rising if it wasn't offered enough fresh blood from day to day? In fact, the Mayans were smarter than most of the people who are going to see Emmerich's movie because they never actually made any specific prediction about the end of their "Long Count" calendar. As far as most anthropologists can tell, the plan for when the long count ran down was just to start a new calendar.
Just so I can be saved the aggravation of someone writing a letter to the editor about how Dec. 21, 2012 is the winter solstice and *GASP!* the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way galaxy causing Earth's poles to shift and John Cusack to renew his motorcycle license, I must report that in the course of Earth's history the sun has aligned with the center of the Milky Way just about 150,000 times already. Believing that the poles would shift on account of a solstice is sort of like saying you shouldn't drive at sunset because you might crash into the sun.
People want to believe that some ancient civilization knew something that we don't. As whatever mystery or wonder left in the world is gradually explained away, we can find ourselves almost hoping that the world would end just to prove some smug scientist wrong. After all, when you think about it, there are a few hundred scientifically accredited reasons why the earth isn't going to last, yet the one people want to hear about is the shady, supernatural Mayan calendar of doom.
The fact is, though, that whether or not there's any massive catastrophe coming, we don't have a terrible amount of time here on Earth. Even if there's no dark secret to our existence, we can still enjoy it. Even if it is meaningless, waking up with the sun on your face can feel really nice. Maybe that's all the meaning we need. After all, it beats feeling disappointed when the world doesn't end three years from now.
Dan Esposito is a staff columnist for The Heights. He welcomes comments at opinions@bcheights.com.
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