If you have never heard this phrase spoken before, you either don't go to college, you're deaf, you're partially deaf, or you don't go to college. Because in this world full of kegs, one night stands, and bros, there is a phenomenon known as being "together" with someone. It's not dating, but it's more than just a random hook up. So what does it mean exactly? I will attempt to shed some light on this enigmatic yet prevalent concept as well as its benefits and drawbacks.
Before we delve into the world of togetherness, it helps to define what exactly dating is in a practical college sense. I would say that dating is when two people are in an exclusive, romantically driven relationship. What occurs in that relationship depends on each couple. But some commonalities may include: having dinner together off campus, seeing each other at least once every day, becoming another roommate to your significant other's roommates because you're always around, getting in drunken fights, telling everyone you're sick of each other, breaking up, still talking to each other after the break up, drunkenly hooking up again, and beginning to date each other again after only three days of being broken up. But again, it differs from relationship to relationship.
Now that I have given my completely biased definition of dating, we can begin to look at being "together." There are many different phrases used to describe being "together." Sometimes people will say that two people are "seeing" each other or that they're "hooking up" with each other. Along with different terminology, there are different levels of being "together," but there are still some basics at each level. It is more than a one night stand, it is less than dating, and in the vast majority of cases, there is no exclusivity.
The first and lowest level of being "together" is when two people drunkenly hook up with each other once and then continue the drunken hook up late at night on weekends. There is no contact during the week. Normally, contact is made around 2 a.m. in the form of a text. You know, the "hey, what are you up to?" text. Within those words is contained the assumption that the two will meet up at one or the other's place, and there will be a physical manifestation of their undying indifference for each other.
The next level of "togetherness" is when two people not only hook up on the weekend, but they party with each other as well. There is still minimal contact during the week, but the two like each other enough to spend time at parties together. So instead of meeting after 2 a.m., they spend most of the night together and may even pre-game with one another.
From this last level of "togetherness" stems a higher level of being "together." At this level, two people not only hook up on weekends, but occasionally they hang out during the week. And as they start hanging out more and more, they may start actually developing feelings for each other. Then they fall into the danger zone. How much longer can they keep it at that level before the non-exclusivity and non-title start bothering one or both of them? And at that point, the decision arises about whether to stay in limbo or date.
So how am I an authority on the issue? I'm not. But I do speak from personal experience on the matter of being "together." My last serious girlfriend was during my sophomore year of high school. Since then, I've just been "together" with girls. (Except for the occasional brief dry spell; and the occasional extended dry spell; and that one several month-long drought where I resorted to driving by Newton North High School, asking girls if they needed a "ride" home).
In my experience, the benefit of being "together" is that there is a lack of pressure. There's no pressure to hang out during the week. There's no pressure to go to nice dinners. There's no pressure not to go to parties or to leave parties to meet up. And there's no pressure to open up. It's comfortable.
If you asked me a year ago about the issue I would say that you'd be crazy to date when you could simply be "together." But now, maybe because I'm older and pretend to myself that I'm more mature, I'm not sure "together" is the answer. No matter how much fun being "together" can be, there's something lacking. And I know, because the best thing I ever had with a girl crashed and burned because neither of us bucked up and decided to date.
So in the end, I'm not saying being "together" is better or worse than dating. But for me, I'm not looking to just be comfortable anymore.
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