How to kill time ... at the annual pumpkin festival

9:45 a.m.: Wake to another beautiful, cloudy, drizzling day of Boston autumn and contemplate plans to follow through with this pumpkin festival or waste another weekend day.

Another day of getting the party on early sounds enticing, but not today. Have already made some super huge plans - that is, the Life is Good Pumpkin Festival.

10:02 a.m.: Gather the crew and begin the trek to the Boston Commons. Swallow the thought of pillow/sleep/"I had a long night so I am recovering" party aforementioned.

10:40 a.m.: Trek out of the T station after a luxurious, smooth ride on the inbound train with one too many spills of coffee. Joke over the intended market of this festival that you are about to attend: kids in school. Nursery school.

10:42 a.m.: Walk into the Commons and shudder at the amount of people, especially very small people. All previous expectations are lost in the sea of orange pumpkins, from lanterns to little costumes. Start to brace yourself for basically Christmas in October, with a different color scheme. Bring it.

10:43 a.m.: Walk through a couple of orange gates with helpers in orange T-shirts surrounded by orange pumpkins and realize that maybe this event is a bit obsessed with celebrating the seasonal color orange. That's OK, though, because you and your friends begin singing in unison, "I'm dreaming of an orange Halloween."

10:52 a.m.: Realize that in a total of nine minutes, you've been overloaded with pamphlets and enough free stuff to excite anyone. Even with that said, you are still wondering what a Qdoba or a shoe company is doing here. Then your friend so clearly states, "Everything is a venue for advertisements, these little kids will go to college one day."

11:01 a.m.: With Chariots of Fire theme music playing in the background, we make a quick dash to the newly-opened event, free pumpkin carving. Look back on the four little kids you pushed aside and the cute toddler your friend George face-planted into the mud. Overjoyed to be 10th in line, promptly ignore the angry parents and crying children.

11:13 a.m.: Take this opportunity to realize that you are officially the only ones remotely close to the carving station who are taller than three feet. Whoops. Oh well, plan on making a Ghiberti out of this one. Pathetic looking knife in one hand and pumpkin in the other, begin.

11:19 a.m.: Experience a quick flashback to ninth grade ceramic teacher saying, "I'm just not feeling this one."

Continue with your masterpiece in attempt to create the jack-o-lantern of the day. Disapprovingly look at a 2-year-old boy in the act of cheating because his father is helping him. At that point, realize that the carving competition between your own group isn't associated with the festival. That being said, give up pride and invoke the gods of creativity.

11:19:01 a.m.: Accept that you are in CSOM and that your jack-o-lantern is awful.

11:28 a.m.: Forget the pumpkin failure and proceed to boogy to the jiving tunes of some band on stage. Come to realize that this festival is really way more than expected and become filled with genuine jubilation. Feeling is enhanced through the free Turkey Hill ice cream.

11:50 a.m.: Make seventh trip to get ice cream and realize that the "free stuff give out girl" recognizes you, further highlighting the fact that you are one of the few between the ages of 10 and 30. Continue to avoid eye contact with her as you seek out another Turkey Hill rep. Man, that ice cream is good.

12:00 p.m.: Alongside little kids in pumpkin suits, boogy a little more to some fun tunes and admire the thousands of jack-o-lanterns (29,000 or so to be exact) carved by more capable artists. Entertain the thought of asking a kid where he got his costume so you can get into these upcoming costume parties.

12:22 p.m.: Feel the thinness of wallet and try to convince self that last night was all worth it. Feel super thin now, and realize you cannot support the fundraiser for Camp Sunshine and buy a T-shirt.

12:24 p.m.: Oh wait; they surprisingly have those convenient credit machines. Praise be to plastic. Blend like camouflage in the crowd and try that new $25 orange shirt on and realize the festival is going to bank on this crowd.

12:36 p.m.: Feeling like a good citizen who has milked this thing for all it's got, gather the posse. Realize it's a good thing you got out of bed, otherwise you'd never have experienced the true essence of the pumpkin.