How to kill time ... in Harvard Square

11:07 a.m.: Walk into the Au Bon Pain on the corner of Massachusetts Avenue and Dunster Street. Were your stomach not eating away at itself from the inside, and the cold not slowly destroying you from the outside, you might remember that this is the same Au Bon Pain featured in Good Will Hunting.

11:10 a.m.: Sit down with a low-fat berry muffin and a cup of coffee, while omnipresent chess players sit at the back of the glass-walled room. Cup of coffee bears a remarkable resemblance to coffee served in McElroy. Perhaps bad coffee is the one true universal?

11:20 a.m.: Head across the square to the Bank of America conveniently located just across from the Harvard Square T stop. Die a little inside as you check your account and make a withdrawal.

11:24 a.m.: Duck next door into CVS. Open 24 hours, with two floors and seemingly endless aisles, it wouldn't be hard to kill a whole day wandering around here. Oh, to get lost amid the makeup aisle. You're just here for some cough drops.

11:29 a.m.: Note that The Coop, the four-floored Harvard bookstore, has green sweatshirts just like the ones in the Boston College Bookstore. Apparently, coffee and flamboyant sweatshirts are both universals.

11:30 a.m.: Now at Urban Outfitters to pick up a secret Santa present for one of your roommates (whose name will remain unknown). Wander through the men's section first, recommending a variety of sweaters to your friendly local tour guide.

11:31 a.m.: Find really cute, and not too expensive, iPod covers while still in the men's section. Note the injustice of such good finds not being included in either the women's or the unisex, home furnishings area.

11:34 a.m.: Wander around home furnishings area and dream of buying all the expensive and funky bohemian chairs and drinking paraphernalia. Are told by friendly tour guide that this is "your kind of place." Store compliment away for a rainy day.

11:40 a.m.: Move upstairs to women's section, just to check if anything nice has come in that might be worth splurging on. For your roommate, of course. Definitely not for yourself.

11:45 a.m.: Walk back downstairs with a new pair of pink suede gloves in your size. Hey, overly dry hands due to winter wind is nothing to toy with.

11:55 a.m.: Depart from Urban Outfitters with an absolutely massive bag full of one secret Santa present and one new pair of gloves. Sigh longingly as you bypass Aldo, Jasmine Sola shoes, and that really cute kids' bookstore with all the stuffed animals and the Curious George in the window. Reflect on how shoes and animated monkeys are strange weaknesses - especially together.

11:57 a.m.: Head across Harvard Yard for some free (unfortunately, only for Harvard students) lunch. Try to think about lunch at Felipe's, Harvard Square's slightly inferior alternative to Anna's Taqueria.

12:01 p.m.: See Harvard University president Larry Summers. Consider asking him about women in science. Figure it's a sore spot and reconsider.

12:04 p.m.: Pass by hordes of Harvard students stumping for various student body government candidates. They appear intense, and also very cold. Are asked several times if you have voted yet. Give best deer-in-headlights look to try and convince the campaign workers that you are not in fact capable of handling a ballot.

12:08 p.m.: Walk into Loker Commons in Memorial Hall basement. People are playing pool. Entire scene seems oddly reminiscent of Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Wonder if Zack Morris would have fit in at Harvard.

12:10 p.m.: Walk back into the freezing cold. At least you have new gloves to keep you warm.