So what happens on campus on the weekends after you leave the party? You go to the after party at Corcoran Commons, of course. Where else can you see every person you just partied with furiously eating fried chicken and trying to avoid falling down?
1:27 a.m.: Jane and her friends are still at the party. She has not talked to a cute guy all night and her right shoe is missing. She has recently been to the bathroom and has come to the realization that it looks like she has been run over by a Mack Truck. It is time to leave.
1:28 a.m.: Jane and her friends decide they are starving. So they go to the dining hall (ahem, the after party) to get some food because Jane can no longer express herself through the art of dance if she can't have some fried chicken right now.
1:30 a.m.: Jane enters Corcoran Commons. All around her are people, fried chicken, and random splatterings of barbecue sauce - heaven. One of her friends decides it is a fabulous idea to strike up a conversation with the guy ahead of them. Until she realizes he is a senior. In high school.
She swiftly moves away from him and pretends to be engrossed in the eternal chicken quandary that has plagued every college student: chicken fingers or popcorn chicken?
1:34 a.m.: Jane is still in line for chicken. Behind her, two boys discuss whether the chicken recipe has changed since last year. Boy One asserts that it most definitely has, while Boy Two says it's the same. Boy One loudly asks how things went with that girl and where she is now.
Boy Two suddenly admits that Corcoran Commons has definitely changed the chicken.
1:39 a.m.: Jane reaches the front of the line. But she is unsure whether she should get chicken with fries or with mozzarella sticks. She wonders whether people have noticed she only has one shoe.
1:40 a.m.: Jane comes to her senses and realizes that she needs fried chicken with fries and mozzarella sticks.
Jane's vegetarian roommate decides she is craving meatballs and orders 14 of them. Her other roommate has hopped onto the counter and almost passes out on those little plastic boxes.
1:43 a.m.: Jane tries to fill her soda and starts eating her fries. All at once. Sadly, her motor skills are not at their peak. She loses at least seven fries before she gives up.
1:44 a.m.: Jane heads to the checkout line. She stops her friend from hitting on the police officer.
1:45 a.m.: Jane tries to express to the checkout person that she has chicken, fries, and mozzarella, but she starts to find it really funny. So she just hands over her ID card and hopes the charge comes out to less than $72.50.
1:47 a.m.: Jane arrives at the condiment area only to find that it has become some sort of war zone. There is ketchup on a window, barbecue sauce covers the counter, and two random people are making out near the vat of mayonnaise.
1:50 a.m.: Jane and her friends choose a table. One of her friends starts to scream that her chicken is not warm enough. Another friend has fallen asleep on her buffalo chicken wrap. They decide to have a dance party back in their room.
2:03 a.m.: The SWAT team has evacuated Corcoran Commons. Jane and her friends grab their chicken and head to their room. Jane is tripped by an unforeseen object that does not actually exist. Her fried chicken flies into a grassy knoll by Vanderslice and her ketchup container is somewhere near a Mod. Damn those condiments.
2:14 a.m.: Jane and her friends make conversation in the elevator. Although Jane's friend will regret it, she invites a few new "friends" over to eat more chicken and watch A Muppet's Christmas Carol.
2:19 a.m.: Jane and roommates and new friends arrive at the room. They put on music and begin to dance. Eventually everyone is exhausted. Maybe it was the party. Maybe it was Tiny Tim.
2:27 a.m.: Jane and her friend amuse themselves by throwing popcorn chicken at the television.
2:31 a.m.: Jane passes out.
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