A story of rape

As told to Alexi Chi by a rape survivor and BC student

All of my thoughts are meant to convey one solid message: I'm writing this as a victim of a horrible circumstance; a circumstance that, through therapy, I've realized is not my fault, but one to which I made myself vulnerable and one that I could have, in my opinion, potentially lessened the severity of if I had I taken certain precautions. I hope to instill certain precautionary measures in other females that will result in less pain, suffering and victimization.

I've been an intelligent, sociable girl, a drinker and a partier since high school. I came to Boston College loving life, my friends, and the choice I made to come here. As a very active high school student, athlete, and leader within my community, I found myself with an outrageous amount of free time upon coming to BC. Somewhat as a result of my extra free time, and somewhat because of the drinking culture at BC, but mostly due to my own excessiveness, I started drinking more. I began blacking out, though rarely. Although my drunken behavior was annoying and problematic to my friends on certain occasions, no one found my behavior outrageously out of the ordinary or dangerous enough to confront me about it - I fit in with a good number of the BC freshman class of '08.

My night began pre-gaming in Chevy. I took a few shots while drinking a beer before we went out that night. There was a bar, called the Reel Bar, which is no longer in existence, where we often went because it was the only bar where all freshmen could get in, good ID or not.

We arrived at the bar to a live band and huge crowd of freshmen. I got drinks with my girlfriends and hit the dance floor as normal. After about an hour into the night, I went to get my third drink or so, but the bartender said he wouldn't serve me anymore - rightfully so. I was wasted, I had gotten myself wasted, and I didn't need any more alcohol. I danced for a few more minutes and chatted with some friends, until I saw the manager, Jimmy, at the end of the bar. This guy was "the best" - a real "gem," who coordinated with freshmen BC guys to advertise to BC freshmen to come to the bar.

I went to say hi to Jimmy, and I was introduced to his friend Louis. We chatted quickly and the guys offered to get me a drink. I told them the bartender wouldn't serve me anymore - Jimmy said no problem, he'd get the bartender to give me a drink. Why not? I said. What's one more drink? I chatted with Jimmy for a few more minutes until the drinks came, Louis tapped me on the shoulder and handed me mine - I took it without a care in the world. I chatted with both of them for a few more minutes while I drank the Red Bull and vodka they had gotten me.

The next thing I remember: I woke up naked in a bed, six inches from the ceiling of a room I had never seen. I grabbed myself, realized I was naked, turned to my right and saw a nasty man sound asleep. He had long, curly black hair, and tattoos across his body. I gasped, jumped up, and headed for the side of the bed. I found a ladder leading down from the top of a bunk bed when the man woke and asked me what I was doing. I said "I don't know," jumped down and looked around this foreign room for clothes, anything to cover my naked body.

I could barely walk as I felt a sharp pain run up my thigh and into my hip. My left leg could barely manage a limp and when I turned to examine it I found bruises from my knee to my hip. I found the clothes I had worn the night before, under the bunk bed, covered in vomit. There was vomit all over the bottom of the bunk bed. "Why am I here?" I asked. "Where is my cell phone?" He handed me his phone, I called mine, and found it in the back pocket of my pants, covered in vomit. I asked his name - Louis.

I dressed with tears in my eyes and asked what had happened to my leg and why I was there. He told me I fell off his bed and almost out the window. I asked him to lead me out of the building - I had no recollection of where I was. I asked where the nearest BC bus was - he informed me I was nowhere near BC's campus. He was polite and willing to take me home. He led me down a dark, dank stairway; it seemed more like a warehouse than an apartment building. I was shaking, felt sick and was scared as hell. As we walked to a main street I started talking:

"What happened last night?"

"Don't you remember?"

"No, I have no memory of coming here."

"That's weird, you wanted to come here."

"What did we do when we got back?"

"You don't remember?"

"No."

"That's weird, you wanted to come back to my apartment with me."

"Why did I wake up naked, did we have sex?"

"You don't remember? You wanted to have sex."

(I started to sob.)

"I've never had sex with anyone but my boyfriend before, I wouldn't have wanted to have sex with you."

"Oh, you wanted to, you don't remember?"

"No!"

"I mean you said you wanted to, the video camera too."

"What? What video camera?"

"You asked me to videotape it. I got the whole thing on film."

"I what? I've never videotaped anything, I've only had sex with one person, I have a boyfriend."

"You asked for it."

We walked in silence until we reached Commonwealth Avenue, where he told me to hop on the T.

"All I want is to hop in a cab and go home. There's one."

I jumped in and looked in my pocket; I had no money. Louis gave the cab driver $10 and told him to take me home. I cried the whole way home.

The cab dropped me off at the corner of Kostka Hall and Gonzaga Hall. I didn't have my Eagle ID, and I sat outside Kostka until someone let me in. I ran to the second floor and pounded on my girlfriend's door until she woke up - she opened the door and took me inside. I was bawling and so she had to take me into the hall so that her roommate wouldn't wake up. I told her everything I remembered - she hugged me and told me I was ok, I was back at BC now. Neither of us knew what to do. I offered to go home and sleep, we'd talk about it when I woke. She said to call her as soon as I woke up.