People love to talk about sex. But from recent observations, the people who love to talk about sex the most are those who aren't having it.
Just think about it. How many times have you seen a flier for an event dedicated specifically to having straight-up, no-frills sex? Zero to none. And how many times have you seen a flier for an event that encourages abstinence? More times than you can count.
There's been an influx of events on campus that promote abstinence. You've probably seen them too - fliers for events with taglines like "Did they teach you about love in sex ed?" and a talk about chaste men that was "back by popular demand."
I admit, I laughed at these fliers when I first saw them for the pure reason that the propaganda sounded so cheesy. I didn't know there was a popular demand for talks about chastity in men, and if there really is, I want to know where it's been all this time. Why aren't we hearing more about it?
And then it occurred to me that perhaps it's because our society has shunned the virgin. Just take a look at the movie American Pie. The whole movie's climax, literally, revolves around the virgin finally having sex. Until then, he's portrayed as a complete loser and a charity case. The hook-up scene so familiar to Boston College and hundreds of other campuses is reflected on screen. The virgin? No where to be found.
Across the river at Harvard University, a new secular abstinence group called True Love Revolution has formed in response to what founders and Harvard seniors Sarah Kinsella and Justin Murray call "mindless sex" at their school.
They cite Harvard's student-run sex magazine H-Bomb, advertisements for free lube at the campus health center, and condoms in freshman dorms as implicit messages to students that sex is the standard.
Kinsella and Murray, who are dating, also pointed to the lack of mention of abstinence in freshman date-rape seminars. Murray said his friends taunt him by loudly and graphically describing their sex lives. "Sometimes that voice on campus is so overwhelming that students committed to abstinence almost feel compelled to abandon their convictions," Murray said in an interview with the Associated Press.
The group received criticism from feminists, especially when it handed out valentines that read, "Why wait? Because you're worth it." In an interview with the Associated Press, Harvard senior Rebecca Singh said, "I think they thought that we might not be 'ruined' yet. It's a symptom of that culture we have that values a woman on her purity. It's a relic."
That's what bothers me about the sex debate. It's always presented in terms of right or wrong, pure or tainted. It also exists within double standards, both positive and negative, for men and women. I laughed because the thought of a chaste male didn't fit ideas of masculinity, the same way that Singh was offended that a woman's value depended on her purity.
I admire people who stick to their convictions in the face of ridicule and opposition. There are reasons for not having sex, and those who choose to abstain shouldn't be ridiculed for that decision.
A simple mention of abstinence at Harvard's date-rape seminar without any unnecessary comments on values and purity wouldn't hurt anyone. If anything, it would give a mic to the voice of abstinence that has largely been silenced on campuses.
But sex does need to be addressed to provide awareness. Twenty-nine percent of college students from Harvard and hundreds of other campuses reported that they do not have sex to the National College Health Assessment Survey.
For the 71 percent that does have sex, they should know about safe sex practices, and colleges would be remiss if they denied them this information. Colleges are committed to creating well-rounded individuals through education, but taking care of the body that stores that knowledge is just as important.
Free lube, though - that's another story.
Carolyn Mattus is a columnist for The Heights. She welcomes comments at mattusc@bcheights.com
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