MLB umpire steps outside the box

The difficulty of maintaining a façade is what Dave Pallone said he spent his career as a Major League Baseball (MLB) umpire traumatically realizing.

"During those first eight years I found out something about myself. I was told it was sick, I was told it was evil. I knew I just happened to be gay," said Pallone, referring to the self-realization he experienced at the beginning of his career as a professional umpire.

At the GLBT Leadership Council (GLC)'s first event of the year, Pallone spoke about his 18-year struggle as a closeted gay umpire in the MLB. For the entirety of his career, he was forced to keep his sexual identity secret from everyone or else risk jeopardizing his career in the homophobic world of professional baseball.

"Do I take my dream and throw away my personal life, or throw away my personal life and keep my dream and lie?" asked Pallone.

Pallone said he knows personally that to make that choice is a dilemma no person should have to live with, since it was the very basis for years of his personal suffering. "Collegiate and pro sports keep you in a box; you do whatever you can to fit in," he said.

In his book Behind the Mask, Pallone reveals that there were various ways in which he was forced to suppress his personal relationships in order to retain his position as one of the top umpires in the MLB.

He stresses that individuals everywhere are currently being forced, by their fear of society's homophobia, to do precisely what he did.

"Make no mistake, in this room or on this campus you know someone, although you don't know who, who lives in this box. It could be anyone in your life, and they are living a hard life."

Despite having become increasingly gay-friendly, the world of professional sports, according to Pallone, still retains a harsh stigma regarding gays. "MLB will never fire anyone now because they happen to be gay. But you could fill a MLB team with players who I know happen to be gay, and those are just the ones I know about."

Pallone's sexual identity was publicly revealed, simultaneously to the MLB and his family, when it was featured on Page Six of the New York Post. "That was nothing less than psychological rape. It was the darkest moment of my life, but it led to the greatest moment because a great weight was dropped," he said.

He was fired from MLB on the specious premise that he was the third-worst umpire in baseball. Yet the MLB had listed him in the previous year as one of its top-10 umpires.

Pallone said the MLB also, not coincidentally, refrained from firing the two umpires who they claimed were the worst in the entirety of the league.

"September 15, 1988, baseball found out I was gay and fired me. March 1, 1989 was the first time in 19 years I wasn't at spring training and I didn't know what to do," said Pallone.

This is when he commenced the writing of his book in order to facilitate a mental recovery of sorts. "It was cathartic for me to write."

Sexual repression can cause fatal calamities, and Pallone pointed out that nearly 500,000 youths between the ages of 18 and 22 attempt suicide, with 40 percent of those attempts stem from a struggle with sexual orientation.

Pallone said that the box in which people are forced to live when they hide their sexual identity is an impetus that is often overlooked in instances of suicide.

"You all know someone who contemplates suicide on a daily basis, you just don't know who. If they complete it, you'll say he or she was just troubled."

The best preventative of suicide is tolerance, said Pallone. "Be more receptive. Sexual orientation comes with us. If you came here as a heterosexual, I promise being gay doesn't rub off and you will leave here a heterosexual," he said.

Pallone said the greatest benefit for him has been receiving 700,000 letters from people responding gratefully to his book.

He said that these responses come from individuals, "thanking me for telling them my story, for giving them insight into their kids, for giving them the courage to live on."

Veronica Joseph, GLC president and A&S '07, said that she concurs with Pallone about the problem of discrimination based on sexual orientation in sports.

"Homophobia in sports exists and we have to find a way to talk about the issue. You are who you are all the time, and just because you're an athlete doesn't mean your sexual identity is less important than it is for others."

Pallone stressed the importance of tolerance for individuals regardless of gender and sexual preference.

"The most important message is to respect yourself and to respect others for who they are. Students should get involved with GLC. Just because it's GLC doesn't mean you have to be gay to be a part of it; it's open to all people."

Greg Epstein, A&S'10, said he benefited from Pallone's lecture. "The talk was pretty heavy at times, but it was a talk everyone should hear. I'm going to be nicer to people."

Before his lecture began, Pallone ran a video that depicted him umpiring in the MLB before he was terminated. In this video, he was assailed by Pete Rose and responded by slashing the air with his hand after Rose accosted and hit him. Rose claimed later that Pallone's slash made contact with his flesh and resulted in a slash mark across his face.

Pallone said Rose actually made this up himself afterward the incident, and finished his appearance at BC flippantly by explaining, "I'm gay, I'm very meticulous about my fingernails, there's no way I could've scratched him."