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Though the night was chilly, it was not the wind that left goose bumps on the skin of those who attended last night's "Take Back the Night."
It was the stories of three survivors of rape and sexual assault and their openness to convey the hurt, frustration, fear, and confusion that they felt.
An annual event organized by the Women's Resource Center (WRC), Take Back the Night is the culmination of Concerned About Rape Education (CARE) Week, aimed at educating the Boston College community and preventing violence toward women.
Drawing a crowd of around 300 students, mostly female, the forum provided the three women with a supportive audience in which to communicate the realities of rape and sexual assault that often go unspoken in society.
One in four women will be raped during her lifetime, and in 90 percent of the cases, the assailant is known to the victim. But despite the relative frequency of rape, only an estimated 16 percent of all cases are reported.
"An event like this is important exactly because of that low percentage," said Katey Sullivan, event coordinator and A&S '07. "People tend to think there is no problem, that the low percent is the actual number. This shows there is diversity in the kind of experience and in the types of individuals who experience sexual assault."
As much as it is important for women to be aware of these issues and to be supportive of one another, student leaders at the event also addressed the need for men to get involved.
Representatives from Project MESA (Men Ending Sexual Assault) spoke briefly before the event began and encouraged men in the audience to take an active role in combating the perpetuation of rape.
"So often men are the perpetrators of these actions," said Jim Conti, A&S '07, who attended the event. "Being present tonight makes us more capable of preventing these things in the future, especially with regard to our friends, classmates, and sisters."
Project MESA leaders led the males present in the reading of a pledge, committing themselves to upholding the ideals for which CARE Week stands. But signing a pledge is only the first step, said John Hellman, A&S '07. "We need to challenge BC and society by taking classes to educate ourselves, entering organizations, and engaging in conversation with people," he said.
Take Back the Night brings with it a long tradition of sparking such conversation. Begun in the late 1970s as a rally countering violence against women, it has since become a staple event on college campuses across the country.
"'Night' is a metaphor for the fear and coercion," said one of the event's organizers. "We are breaking the silence by publicly naming these wrongs."
While the event focused on the three stories shared by survivors, organizers stressed that the effects of sexual assault reach the entire community, not just people who have experienced it firsthand.
"It is not a sexually-motivated crime," said one organizer. "It is through rape, sexism, and a desire to exercise power that it continues. No person's humanity should be robbed from them. Tonight, we reclaim that humanity."
The first survivor, a junior, shared how, after being raped twice in one year, she was hospitalized in a locked psych ward, still unable to believe what had actually happened to her.
Her first assailants were classmates - "friends," they reminded her. "He whispered in my ear that we were friends," she said. "All I could think was that this couldn't be happening. I was lying there in the snow [after it happened]. The snow was so soft, I wanted to lie there for a while."
Over the following days, she could not sleep or eat, and she lived in constant disbelief that what had happened was real.
After the second time she was raped, she vowed to keep what had happened a secret. "I decided that would be the best," she said. "In one year, I had been raped twice - once by friends, and once by strangers I had tried to help … I was 19 years old."
But the hardest hurdle to overcome, she said, was accepting how much she had been affected by what had happened. "Once I recognized this, I was able to understand and embrace the changes in me. It is not enough just to know these things happen," she said. "Knowing firsthand, like by hearing someone's story, gives it more meaning. That's why people share their stories. When more people talk, there is more chance for change."
The next survivor spoke of how she had been molested at age 3 by a babysitter's son. "I was made to touch places no 3-year-old has any business touching," she said. "I would have dreams - but I thought it must be a mind trick. That it could not have actually happened."
Not until age 13 did she come to realize what had happened to her. "I read and wrote poetry," she said. "It got me through it, but I still didn't like to talk about it." A few years later, she learned that her older sister had also been molested by a different man.
Now a senior, she has learned that communication has helped to spur the healing process. "I realized I needed to tell my parents to be healed and move on," she said. "That was the hardest part. It's hard because of the way you feel others will judge you or look at you when you tell them. But you can't heal until you do tell."
The final survivor, also a senior, shared an experience she called "a rape not typical by standards" - the assailant was her boyfriend.
Having been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, she described her boyfriend as being jealous and accusatory, leading her to feel emotionally distant from him.
She said that after he assaulted her, not only did he not apologize, but he denied it happened. "He said, 'But you're my girlfriend' as if he owned me," she said.
After breaking up with him, she said it was hard to come to terms with what had happened. "It was hard to recognize these things that were wrong," she said. "I had seen the problem, but I didn't stop it. But that places the blame and fault on me - and we are not in charge of the behavior of rapists."
"Feelings of blame can be a typical response," said Sullivan, "because not enough sense of responsibility is placed on the assailants."
With a women experiencing sexual assault every two minutes in this country, "sharing can be uplifting even if it is saddening," said the last survivor.
Sullivan agreed: "One of the most important things to consider is that we are responsible for every woman at BC, whether or not the assault occurs on campus. We need to be supportive and create an atmosphere in which women can share stories without being judged."
In addition to Take Back the Night, sexual assault survivors can find support at BC through the Sexual Assault Network, which employs a trained staff to provide advocacy and guidance. n
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