The doors open,and everyone looks back from their pews, and what can be seen? A woman in a beautiful, flowing white dress is about to walk down the aisle. Although most students at Boston College are not even thinking about this scenario yet, some are already planning it. Here at BC, there aresome undergraduate students that are currently engaged, thinking about marriage, or are already married. Regardless of its verocity, then, the persistence of the oft-quoted statistic that 80 perscent of BC students meet their future spouse here should come as no surprise. Some may question whether college students are too young to get married or to be engaged, but the fact of the matter is when someone is ready, he or she is ready and will do what feels right - In 2007, the United States Census Bureau conducted a survey among men and women of all races to pinpoint the median age of marriage. The survey concluded that the median age for men for a first marriage was 24.2 and for women it was 21.9. This number reveals that the median age for women getting married is an age at which the average American woman is still in college. proving that young marriage is not so uncommon. In fact, it is more common than getting married at an older age.
Gilmarie Flores Rivera, A&S '10, has been engaged for six months to her long time next-door neighbor, Phout Vongphakdy, and is extremely excited about it. "My whole family is extremely supportive of us because he is such a wonderful guy - kindhearted, funny, everything I could look for in a man," she says. Phout had been her neighbor for four years before they began dating, and they remained together for the next four years after hitting it off immediately. "We've been together for so long, so it's not like we're just jumping into it out of nowhere," Flores Rivera says. "We haven't even set a date yet because I want to stay focused on my school work, so we're waiting until after I graduate.
It should not be shocking that people are getting married at a young age. In fact, all around campus conversations about marriage are abundant. Just the other day, Liz VanPelt, A&S '12, says she was talking to her friends about how she would like to get married right out of college. She has been dating her current boyfriend for two and a half years and is confident that it will ultimately end in marriage.
"I just feel that since we've been together for awhile and are very serious, there's no reason for us not to get married after college," she says. "It just makes sense since we're very happy together." It seems that college relationships across the board are seen as serious, in comparison to relationships that flicker out of existance out of high school. College is the place where students are encouraged to pursue their interests and think about their futures, including what they want to be when they grow up, where they want to live, and who they want to live with. As a result, students frequently talk and think about marriage.
However, marriage is not just in the minds of female students; some male students have their thoughts geared toward their personal futures as well. "If people are truly in love and very happy together, then they should just take the leap," says Andrew Bancroft, A&S '12. "I believe that society should play no role in kids' decisions to get married. If two people are financially stable and are really ready to make the lifelong commitment, then I am completely for young marriage and say just have fun with it."
Bancroft says that his own desire for young marriage stems from his parents, who started dating when they were 15 and have been married since they were 21. Although some students may point to the 1950s mindset that women attended college for their "Mrs. degrees," it has become very clear that women want to have their own lives and careers. Flores Rivera says that both she and her fiance have jobs and can support one another, and she is not willing to sacrifice her career goals because she is getting married. She knows it takes a lot to make relationships work. The Catholic Church makes very few age-based restrictions for the couples they marry. Both Rev. Edward O'Flaherty,S.J.,and Rev. T. Frank Kennedy, S.J. agreed that young marriage is absolutely fine. "As long as each member of the couple is 16 and older, the Catholic Church will marry them," O'Flaherty says. "The state, however, requires couples to be 18 and older, or they have to have parental approval."
According to Scott Stanley, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Denver, people who get married younger are less at risk of getting divorced. The divorce rate for people ages 35 to 54 is 50 percent while the divorce rate for people ages 20 to 34 is 40 percent. Although the numbers are not significantly different, there is still a smaller risk for young couples, but marriages will work if both parties are willing to put in the effort that it takes to make it work. There are two sides to the young marriage argument that will always exist: on one hand, students in college should get married only if they are truly ready and on the other hand, college is a part of life that should not be missed out on since people have the rest of their lives to be together. If students want to be part of the "hook-up scene" at BC to really experience college or if they want to be in a serious relationship that starts to ask questions about potential marriage, it is up to the individual.
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