For some reason, I've always been really excited to find out what the new freshman class Superfan slogan is at the beginning of each year (file that one under "Maddy is a senior and still a giant loser"). It's not that I find them particularly clever, but I just like to make sure that it is as terrible as my own. Coming from the class with the infamous ellipsis slapped on its back, I know that's a tall order, but some have still managed to come close to taking over the crown of mediocrity (I'm talking to you "Eagles Take Action"). This year, though, our reign has been completely overthrown.
"On the Hunt for Excellence?" Oh it's just so bad it's … well, it's just so bad. It has all the cheesy qualities of a Boston College slogan wrapped into five words. Trying-to-be-bad-ass reference to an eagle? Check. After-school-special vibe? Check. Incredibly vague? Check. I mean, it makes me want to become a ninja and watch Reading Rainbow all at the same time.
Now, some freshmen I interviewed (aka gently made fun of) explained to me that the slogan represents the fact that they had the highest average GPA of any class that has ever entered BC. OK, fair enough, pats on the back to all of you. Yet after observing some of them on the Heights for a week, I would like to propose to amend their shirt to reflect what they really should be on the hunt for - some common sense.
Look, I'm really not trying to be mean here, but this weekend showed me that there is much to teach our new classmates and all the Perspectives books in the world can't help them. Freshmen, here's some free advice from a girl who has personally been there:
That gold shirt I just spent the last 300 words bashing? Yeah, I think it would be best if you completely avoided the vicinity of the Mods while wearing it. If not, you're about as inconspicuous as Michael Jackson at my little cousin's kindergarten play. In fact, you might as well just write "Under 21" or "Arrest Me, Please!" on the back instead. Don't get arrested, folks. I hear there is no Busch Light in jail.
Ladies, save the freak 'em dress for the clubs. Oh, don't act like you don't know what a freak 'em dress is. Look it up on urbandictionary.com for crying out loud. The point is that wearing a short dress and high heels to hang out on campus is just impractical. Half the time you're either standing in dirt, sitting in someone's cramped room, riding a bus, or making a trek to or from Upper's Mount Olympus-like position on campus. Plus, if there's one thing that Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Vanessa Hudgens have all taught me, it's that some things are better left a mystery.
Lastly, please get familiar with your classes and the campus as soon as possible (that is, if you haven't already). Last Thursday a boy walked into my class late, realized he was in the wrong place, and then interrupted the lecture to ask the professor if he knew what classroom Literary Themes was in. Let's just say the professor gave him a look that burned a whole through the kid's skull until he quickly exited the room in shame. It was so embarrassing someone began to quietly weep in the corner of the room. In short, don't be that guy.
Other than that, I think everything else has been said about a hundred times already. Go to class, get some sleep, and most importantly, enjoy your time here. As much as I may be picking on the rookies, part of me is just jealous. After all, they have four years left, and I just have one.
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