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Passion for Fashion: A hookup bag - don't stay out without it

Published: Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 18:01

It's time to play a game I call "Let's pretend like last night didn't happen for $500."

Answer: Another walk of shame, brought to you by Natty Light.

You see, hookups happen. They happen a lot. And while the whole situation may be awkward, nothing can be more awkward than the next morning, because no matter what time it is, people will see you. It's a creepy thought, but pretty much true.

Case in point: I had an interview Friday morning and I was up at 7 a.m. making myself some blueberry tea.

I heard a noise outside my Mod window, and looked to see a girl running down the street in her full Thursday night ensemble … probably running so she wouldn't meet Fr. Leahy on his morning trip through the Mods - a wise girl in that respect.

I should have heckled her, but I resisted and gave her the benefit of the doubt that she had to drop off a paper somewhere. Right.

I dedicate this article to a special someone who inspired it. She had a dilemma: to keep this bag she got, or sell it on eBay. To do it justice, I'll describe it because it's not your ordinary bag: it was about medium-sized, red, and had some flowers on one side.

Yet if that was too flashy for the occasion, you could reverse it to the plain side. Sounds simple, but it had color. It was special. It could have counted as about 30 pieces of flair. I liked it.

Too big to be a handbag, but too small to be a "let's see if I can get my sister (she's 5-1) to fit in it" bag. It was, however, the perfect hookup bag. Yes - a hookup bag.

I'm not advocating hookups. Mom, if you're reading, read that line again. "But hookups aren't planned, silly," some may say. Yes, yes, I am well aware. I challenge that argument with the following: The bag was the right size to be classified as a "going out" bag. Don't be fooled; the winter season is upon us and we have to dress accordingly.

In boy terms, it means we now have more things to lose at the bar that you will have to help us find, i.e., a coat and gloves. But wait. Be kind to your guy friends … as all you have to do is place the gloves in your bag.

Simple, yes, but when you've played a few games of Beirut or look like half the people on the BC bus during the weekend, this comes as a challenge to remember. We'll call it the SATs for intoxicated students.

If you have the inevitable hookup that Thursday, Friday, or Saturday (or all three days if you see more action than a benchwarmer), the bag can convert into the hookup bag with a snap of your finger.

Whatever happens, I'm here to talk fashion. Just be responsible. OK, now to prevent the walk of shame from being slapped all over your face like our subject that morning, this bag can help you walk with your head high - maybe even high enough to look like you are coming back from church.

Let that sink in. Wouldn't it be great if no one knew the truth? Here's my solution: When you wake up that morning disheveled and not looking so great, grab the bag, hold your breath, and go to the bathroom ... one that probably hasn't been cleaned since 2004. You're going to undress, figuratively. Wash your face. Try to get the makeup off as much as you can. Smudged mascara is a definite "no," so look for some Kleenex and use warm water to get rid of it. No one wears that much eye shadow before nightfall - no one.

If you are still wearing big earrings or a necklace, take those off. Basically, if you put it on to attract attention, take it off. Whatever goes under this category, put into the bag. Place hair in ponytail. Since it's winter, your coat should cover your shirt. At this point, you're thinking that the inventor of North Face is a genius.

So if I'm guessing correctly, all that's visible should be your coat, jeans, some sort of expensive boot, and the bag.

Confidently walk - don't run - outside and just try not to talk to anyone, because unless you pack a toothbrush you better have a cell phone to call 911 when they pass out from your breath.

Try it sometime; it just might work. Well, maybe the night after Halloween it won't, but you get the idea.

The hookup bag: changing your look from trashy to classy, one hookup at a time.

Jess Bennett is a staff columnist for The Heights. She welcomes comments at

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