Dear the Rat,
First and foremost, I would like to apologize on behalf of all of the undergraduate population of Boston College for your extinction.
I have read on the Dining Services Web site that you were "re-vamped" in your prime due to "extensive surveying of our customer base." Please realize that neither my friends nor I were ever asked to evaluate you and that we miss you dearly. There has even been a Facebook group dedicated to your ascension back to Middle Campus.
Oh, hark, sweet champion clogger of cholesterol! Where have you gone? The days of yore have passed when I could add a little zing to my iceberg lettuce salad with the deep-fried spices of your succulent shrimp. Past are the riches of your veggie burger so heavily fried that the grease soothed my meat-free body! How could I forget the bountiful, warm salsa con queso that lingered in the dull-faced catering tray for hours? I miss how your do-it-yourself waffle maker that sat lonely in the late morning hours with the solitary smelter stain of the only person who actually put in the effort to make his or her own waffle.
Dearest Ratskellar, I remember how you brightened the days of so many students!
I would hastily rush down the Lyons steps after a morning shift at the CTRC knowing just how happy a hot pretzel with mustard would make me. Only you could oblige such an exclusive craving. As I paid with one swipe of my Eagle-one card, occasionally I would look around at the happy faces surrounding me.
Friends gathered at your large, round tables to enjoy some coffee, greasy mozzarella sticks, and a handful of salty, limp French fries. Companions bonded over your fatty food, your oily objects of desire.
They loved you and your tasty treats, for you, oh Rat, you helped build the relationship between gastronomy and the freshman 15.
I'll admit it. I've made my mistakes. I feel humbled now to admit them when mourning the loss of you. At times I belittled your existence calling you the "McDonald's of Middle Campus or the Burger King of BC." I degraded you to a mere chain of billion-dollar, fast food corporations.
I am so sorry, Rat. Your being and essence was so much more prolific than even I could have imagined. You were not simply a stop-and-shop, greasy spoon, but a mark upon the lives of BC students. You nurtured us when we were late to class or had a hankering for processed meat dipped in cheese and wrapped in a tortilla. We ate your food, left our wrappings behind, and abused our privilege to enjoy the one, the only, the Rat.
What are we left with now? There is a "Grab and Go - Commissary" that brags innovative sandwich flavors like the "peanut butter fluffernutter" or the ground-breaking "teriyaki salmon on noodle salad" for the health-conscious. What taste-bud tinglers are these? I doubt the cold, bitter noodle salad could satisfy a patron like a double-cheeseburger in red, checkered wrapper could. How could a meager refrigerated sandwich compare to the likes of a zesty cheese steak wrap?
Dining Services adds to the list of "new and improved" delectable delights by including such desserts as the "Jell-o cup;" or for those of us who really want to live life on the edge, they now provide the "sugar free Jell-o cup."
How I yearn for the days when I could stop by and grab my favorite dessert - a rainbow, chocolate-chip cookie - that could not be found anywhere else on campus.
On a final note: Words cannot express the deep remorse I feel toward your annihilation and the façade of improved food Dining Services has erected in your place. A part of me feels that a little bit of BC's soul left when you departed this mortal coil.
What can the students do without you, beloved Rat? Can I possibly lament the loss of you in the hopes that you will be revived? It's a possibility. I know there are students on this campus who adored your every crumb and are now at a loss for their nutritional ingestion. I advocate a resistance!
Fellow comrades of caloric intake, rise up! Join the Facebook group! Write to the administration! Bring back the Rat!
Jen Schiffner is a staff columnist for The Heights. She welcomes comments at schiffnerj@bcheights.com
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