The make-or-break food: Hors d'oeuvres

Ah, Homecoming. That annual tradition meant to celebrate the ... coming home of ... somebody. I actually have no idea what Homecoming is supposed to mean, but it's usually a good excuse to have a few drinks, enjoy a few laughs, and most importantly, dine on delectable dishes.

At the risk of offending the throngs of handsome, intelligent, and charming individuals that represent this column's readership, I'm about to make a true confession. I was so busy cutting a mean rug on the dance floor that I didn't eat anything at Homecoming on Saturday night.

I can hear the gasps of shock from here. Honestly, I'm disappointed in myself. All of this talk about Homecoming food, however, is a perfect segue into the topic of this week's delicious discussion, a discourse on the first course: hors d'oeuvres.

The hors d'oeuvres at this year's Homecoming were standard fare: spinach pastries, cocktail shrimp, spring rolls, and the like.

Although for the aforementioned reason, I cannot comment on the quality of these items, I can't argue with the choices.

You really can't go wrong with food like spring rolls and spinach pastry. They're fancier than chips and dip, but safer than capers on toast points.

Hors d'oeuvres are an integral part of almost any social function, from a semi-formal dance to a dinner party.

A well-placed tray of hors d'oeuvres can hold people over when dinner is an hour late, or allow people to forget that they're standing outside in the rain in a parking lot. The term hors d'oeuvre comes from the French, literally meaning "outside of the main work." Straightforward enough, but the hors d'oeuvre is so much more than a pre-meal snack. If you play your cards right, you can make a whole meal out of hors d'oeuvres.

The French popularized the canapé, which is a small piece of toast with some kind of meat, cheese, or pâté on top. Canapé comes from the French word for "couch," and is descended from the same term that became "canopy." Apparently, someone thought that a stale piece of toast with a savory food on top looked like a couch.

I figured it looked more like a piece of stale toast with a savory food on top. Your guess is as good as mine.

The Italians have their antipasto. Don't worry. That doesn't mean that they're opposed to pasto. Much the contrary, actually. Antipasto just means "before the meal." Traditionally, antipasto can consist of any of a number of small foods, including raw and marinated vegetables, cheese, and cured meats like prosciutto.

The definitive English hors d'oeuvre is the tea sandwich. Despite its name, the tea sandwich is neither composed of nor tastes like tea. Rather, it refers to the time during which the tea sandwich is eaten.

Usually, when you think of a sandwich, you think of ham, turkey, salami, lettuce, tomato, oil, and vinegar on a Portuguese roll. Not the tea sandwich, though.

The best term to describe this type of sandwich is "dainty." The tea sandwich is the definition of finger food, usually able to be consumed in one or two bites. Often, a tea sandwich is made with white or pumpernickel bread, without a crust. Popular fillings include smoked salmon, curried chicken, egg salad, or pretty much any cream cheese or mayonnaise concoction. Did I mention how small they are? Anyone that's paid big bucks for high tea at the Ritz and hoped to leave fulfilled knows exactly what I'm talking about.