Timberlake to open Spring Concert

CHESTNUT HILL, Mass. - Last Thursday the Undergraduate Government of Boston College announced that their long-delayed Spring Concert, featuring diva Celine Dion, would be opened by former 'N Sync frontman Justin Timberlake. Following this announcement, rumors began to circulate around BC that University President Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., had asked Timberlake to refrain from using the term "dick" in his now iconic "Dick in a Box" duet (alongside Andy Samberg). Official word was released Friday morning that Leahy had, in a fax sent to Timberlake's agent, also supplied several substitutes for "dick." Reportedly, at the top of the list was "crux," which is Latin for "cross."

"We don't think it's too much to ask even a superstar like Justin Timberlake to alter his routine ever so slightly, especially when it helps us maintain the utmost pedigree of Jesuit ideals," said University Spokesman Jack Dunn,

Although Leahy's official comment was, surprisingly, no comment at all, an inside source close to the president - who replied to our inquiries on the condition of anonymity - implied that Leahy's request might have had something to do with BC's burgeoning reputation as one of the premier Catholic institutions in the United States.

Such is the popularity of Timberlake's "Dick in Box" that the story has even found its way to the local indigenous population.

"If Boston College can tell someone like Justin Timberlake what to do, I wouldn't be surprised if the school jumps ahead 10 spots in next year's US News & Reports," said Pete Ellington, the senior pharmacist at Newton Center's CVS.

Many remain skeptical that Timberlake will alter his winning skit-duet, which pairs him alongside SNL rising-star Samberg, simply because a university president asked him to do so. "It'd be like, like if Willie Nelson came to the Vatican, and the pope asked him to stop smoking weed," explained Marc Whiting, CSOM '08. "It's just not going to happen. Singing about his dick has brought JT an entire legion of new fans. Not talking about his penis just wouldn't be a prudent marketing move."

Leahy's bold move has struck some as indicative of an effort to curb BC's vagrant reactionaries on campus, while others are curious about the extent of the changes requested of Timberlake's highly anticipated show.

Speculation aside, Santiago Bunce, the UGBC president and A&S '07, remains adamant that the rest of Timberlake's opener will continue as the pop star sees fit. "It's not like we'd have him change 'I'm bringing sexy back' to 'let's bring Jesus back,'" he said. "We're just making an effort to comply with BC's role in the lives of our faithful here. 'Crux' is just as suitable to the intent of his skit as 'dick' - personally, I think even more so."

Although no word yet on Timberlake's reaction to Leahy's request and subsequent dick-substitution proposals, Dunn was adamant about the school's commitment to cooperation.

"The last thing we want is to ruin the school's spring concert," Dunn said in an Instant Messaging conversation last night. "It'll still be really, really, f- sick, regardless of any crucible innuendos."

When asked if he owned any of Timberlake's albums, Dunn replied that he did not. "I prefer him in his 'N Sync days. But Leahy's a big fan of Justified."