Published: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 18:01
Hello, sirs. Pardon me for a second. I hate to bother you, but I just thought I should bring something up with you guys. Well, you know that music you continually play? Well, I think you’re playing it a little bit too loudly.
Please forgive, me but I forgot to introduce myself. I’m William Mooney Sloneker, but most people just call me “Will.” You can use whatever nickname you like, just don’t call me “Willy.” I hate that name. I’m a poli sci major from Cincinnati, yadda yadda yadda, so on and so forth.
Anywho, I live upstairs. It’s a really nice place my roommates and I have. We have a spectacular view, plenty of floor space, and plenty of circulation. I’m sure it’s pretty comparable to your room downstairs—identical even, if not for the whole “being on a different floor” thing.
Point being, we can hear your music through our floor—rather clearly, in fact. I wouldn’t say it’s so clear that we all know the lyrics to your most played tracks, but that’s because words are seemingly absent from these songs. I’m no expert, but I guess you’re into some sort of techno-trance, dubstep, house-remix, club-funk sub-genre of music. That’s not really in my taste, but to each his own.
Whatever you choose to play is immaterial and not of my concern. It’s just that you have the volume set too high. I’m not sure if that particular dial on your stereo is broken or if you have some unusual sound system with the binary outputs of “blood in the ears” and “off.” At risk of sounding presumptuous, I am going to assume that the settings can be adjusted along a sliding scale of sorts.
If that’s the case, I would ask that you please just dial the music down a notch or two. You don’t need to turn it off. You should be able to enjoy your music. Just please keep it at a respectable volume.
I probably sound like a total party pooper, but let it be known, I like parties. I think parties are fun. Do I feel miffed that I haven’t been invited to any of the raucous soirees you may host on a regular basis? Not in the slightest. You feel free to include and exclude whomever you like. When everyone gets together, though, just keep the noise level in check and try to be done at a reasonable hour. My roommates and I often have to wake up early.
I’m sure you guys are busy, too, and I won’t contend that my own room hasn’t been a little obnoxious a few times this year. We like being social. We occasionally even host parties, but I suppose I have no frame of reference for determining how disruptive they are. So please, if we’re carrying on too long, by all means let us know.
We actually had an interesting encounter a week ago. It was pretty late and I was about to abandon studying in favor of sleep when I heard and felt some synthesized, rhythmic disturbance pulsating the floor beneath me. I had a hunch you guys were responsible.
So I put on slippers and my finest hooded sweatshirt and walked downstairs to politely ask you gentlemen to turn down the volume. I encountered three of you—shirtless and carrying broomsticks as a part of some esoteric pagan ritual, I imagine—in the hallway outside your room.
We then engaged in a brief dialogue to resolve our conflict. You guys said you wanted loud music because it was “Wednesday,” and I said I wanted quieter music because it was “2:30 a.m. and technically not Wednesday anymore.” After a brief deliberation, you gentlemen graciously obliged.
I thought that was a very healthy way to reconcile our differences: no RAs, no heated argument, no physical altercations, just frank conversation. I just thought it was a shame that we could not have addressed these concerns earlier in the year. I hope that this confrontation will remind us all to be more conscientious about decisions that may affect our neighbors.
Again, we don’t want you not to enjoy your music. Heck, maybe we could exchange some songs. My roommate’s a big fan of Beethoven, and I’m currently really into Andrew Bird’s new album Break It Yourself. Maybe those would sound pretty swell on your speakers. If not, there’s no harm and no foul, just so long as the music is played at a reasonable level.
I appreciate you taking the time to read all this. I hope you enjoy the rest of your senior year. Thanks in advance for toning it down a little. I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.