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He Said, She Said

Heights Editors

Published: Monday, February 10, 2014

Updated: Tuesday, February 11, 2014 10:02

My best friend and I have both just started new relationships. Because it has not grown into something serious yet, we don’t want to make Valentine’s Day into such a huge ordeal. To solve this problem, we want to go on a double date, but aren’t sure if that will sit well with our partners. Is a double date too informal for Valentine’s Day?

He Said:

From your question, I gather that you have not developed strong feelings for your partner yet, which is completely fine—if your partner feels strongly about you, however, he or she may take offense to a double date suggestion. Double dates are inherently risky if everyone does not know each other. Despite my personal feelings for Valentine’s Day, I believe that most people consider it to be an intimate holiday. If your significant other has been planning something special for you, you may not want to ruin it by suggesting a double date. In many cases, Valentine’s Day is only important for the first couple of years of a relationship—from my experience, it tends to play an even larger role when the relationship is not in a serious stage. Afterward, you two will hopefully get past the cliche holiday meant to highlight your undying love for one another, but for now, do not take a chance for the sake of your psychological comfort.

If you are truly hung up on not taking a formal approach to celebrating the holiday, talk with your partner about it. Suggest a double date and gauge his or her response. Maybe he or she also does not want to take the holiday too seriously and will wholly accept the idea of a double date. My advice, however, is to use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to predict the seriousness and longevity of the relationship. Observe how your partner reacts to a day of intimacy and affection—maybe even buy a gift to thank him or her for your time spent together thus far. It’s best to play it safe during the early stages of a relationship.

She Said:

A double date is by no means too informal for Valentine’s Day. Going out with other couples can be a great way to mix things up or keep things fresh in a relationship. It’s also a great way to get to know how your partner interacts in a group setting: I’ve found that most people are very different one on one. In a relationship, it’s important to like who the person is in all situations—be it with just you, hanging out with your best friend, in a casual group setting, or at a Mod party. Plus, a double date can help cross that tricky, ever-present boundary of integrating one another into your daily lives on campus (if that’s what you’re trying to do).

All that being said, when it comes to being in a new relationship on Valentine’s Day, I think you’re asking the wrong question. You’ve just found someone new you’re crazy about, right? Why would you want to share the holiday with another couple? Whether you make a big event of the day or gloss over it like just another Friday night, make it yours. Valentine’s is such a Hallmark holiday—make of it what you will, and forget all the hype and hoopla.

Also, don’t forget that you’re only one half of this new relationship—what if your partner has other ideas or potential plans for the two of you? Make sure to talk to him/her about how the two of you want to handle the day, together. No matter what you decide, decide together. In a new relationship, communication is key.

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