Published: Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 18:01
The New Lincoln – It’s about time we forgot all about Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer and headed to the theaters to see a film pay due respect to America’s greatest president. We can ignore the fact that the 2.5-hour-long Lincoln cast British actor Daniel Day-Lewis to play Honest Abe … let’s just hope that his American accent is better than Emma Watson’s.
Gigapixel pictures – Last weekend, Boston College Athletics took panoramic, 360-degree pictures of both the Holy War games. We spent a good 20 minutes on their website trying to find ourselves in the picture of the crowd at the football game, with little success—if only we had better memories of last Saturday night. Maybe we’ll have more success searching for the guy in the nun hat who we’re pretty sure was standing near us.
Senate cattyness- We have previously given a Thumbs Up to Hank, a cat from Virginia that was running for Senate. Now that all the hoopla is over, the “dark-cat” candidate Hank came in third with 6,000 votes. In this intense and heated election cycle, it’s nice to see humor still has a place.
Secession Petitions- Currently, 34 states have petitions to the White House to withdraw from the United States and form their own new nations. Some states only have a couple hundred signatures, but others have tens of thousands. We have to admit, we support the exercise of free speech, a wonderful right given to us by our constitution that assures we cannot be harmed by the government for speaking our minds. It also gives us the right to tell those who signed to call the whambulance where hopefully they can give you a pair of cojones. We are sorry that your candidate did not win and that you do not agree with our president. We are sorry that our country has problems, just like every country in the world, even though we are better off than most. But remember what Aesop taught us: united we stand, divided we fall. America will not improve with dissonance and quitting attitudes, but rather with genuine dedication to fix the cracks in our country. Can’t handle standing by your country which has given more to you than you have given to it? Pay your states’ share of the national debt caused by the earmarks from your representatives, then move to Canada like you said on Facebook. Don’t forget to send us a Snapchat of your face when you realize they have universal health care and legalized gay marriage.
E-sex- With a week full of Spy Stalkers and Tickle-me-not-there Elmo, can we all agree that sending sexually explicit emails are a universal no-no? We don’t want to know about your sex life, so stop leaving electronic trails of your trysts that a third grader could find. Speaking of which, General Petraeus, we are disappointed in your spy skills. Carmen from Spy Kids can fight an army of 500 child robots and you can’t even permanently delete your Gmail drafts. Someone needs to go back to spy school.