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Nov. 19 Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down

Published: Sunday, November 18, 2012

Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 18:01

 

Thumbs Up:
Ancient axe-wielders- News outlets in rural Russia are reporting that a local shepherd killed a vicious wolf who tried to attack the flock with an axe. The axe-wielder also happened to be a grandma. So next time you get the jitters walking through the graveyard or the O’Neill second floor bathroom, remember that a lil’ ol’ lady in Russia decapitated a vicious, ravenous beast like it ain’t no thang.
 
Thanksgiving- Ah, November, a time to give thanks that there is only a week left until boys shave their pedophile moustaches. It’s also a time to remember it’s still not kosher to use “buuuuuuut I’m in college” as an excuse when your parents demand to know why you came home at 3 a.m. and woke everyone up when you tried to order Dominos. But here’s to home, parents, high school friends, and bellies full of turkey.
 
Thumbs Down:
Goodbyes- Someone somewhere once said that “all good things must come to an end.” After a year at the Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down helm, it is finally time for the authors to say goodbye. Although those who aren’t fans of Helen Keller jokes, and the BC football team won’t be sad to see us go, we hope that you’ve all enjoyed our nonsensical commentary as much as we’ve loved writing it. We aren’t good at goodbyes, so we’ll just repeat some famous ones: Good night and good luck, here’s looking at you kid, I’ll never let go Jack, and hasta la vista baby. It’s been real.
 
Ding Dong the Hostess is dead- The bakery chain is closing its doors for good, shutting down plants, firing workers, and moving toward liquidation. We here at Thumbs Up, Thumbs down are positively sick with mourning. No, not because we lost junk food staples, but because an integral part of our post-2012 apocalypse plan has disappeared over night. Come on, we all know if one food survives whatever meteors, floods, avalanches, tornados, plagues of locusts, and other end of the world shiz, it’s going to be Twinkies. Plus, it would have been nice to  have a few extra packs to pawn off in some dark Boston alleys since boxes of Hostess are selling for thousands of dollars over eBay. It’s Ding Dong Boardwalk Empire out there.
 
The deep secrets of Ikea- Ikea has finally admitted to using “forced labor” during the 1980s in their Eastern European factories. The story has been splattered across newspapers worldwide. We here at Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down wonder why it took everyone so long to figure this out. You really didn’t think a company whose floor layout resembles that of the Triwizard Tournament death maze and advertises furniture as “easy to build,” but it secretly has a thousand pieces and a 3,459,359 page instruction manual doesn’t engage in sketchy business practices? And by the way, considering we spent four hours building our desk, we’d say Ikea also made us do forced labor. Let us know when we can sue because we need $150 to replace our cracked iPhone screen.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Goodbyes- Someone somewhere once said that “all good things must come to an end.” After a year at the Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down helm, it is finally time for the authors to say goodbye. Although those who aren’t fans of Helen Keller jokes, and the BC football team won’t be sad to see us go, we hope that you’ve all enjoyed our nonsensical commentary as much as we’ve loved writing it. We aren’t good at goodbyes, so we’ll just repeat some famous ones: Good night and good luck, here’s looking at you kid, I’ll never let go Jack, and hasta la vista baby. It’s been real.
 
Ding Dong the Hostess is dead- The bakery chain is closing its doors for good, shutting down plants, firing workers, and moving toward liquidation. We here at Thumbs Up, Thumbs down are positively sick with mourning. No, not because we lost junk food staples, but because an integral part of our post-2012 apocalypse plan has disappeared over night. Come on, we all know if one food survives whatever meteors, floods, avalanches, tornados, plagues of locusts, and other end of the world shiz, it’s going to be Twinkies. Plus, it would have been nice to  have a few extra packs to pawn off in some dark Boston alleys since boxes of Hostess are selling for thousands of dollars over eBay. It’s Ding Dong Boardwalk Empire out there.
 
The deep secrets of Ikea- Ikea has finally admitted to using “forced labor” during the 1980s in their Eastern European factories. The story has been splattered across newspapers worldwide. We here at Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down wonder why it took everyone so long to figure this out. You really didn’t think a company whose floor layout resembles that of the Triwizard Tournament death maze and advertises furniture as “easy to build,” but it secretly has a thousand pieces and a 3,459,359 page instruction manual doesn’t engage in sketchy business practices? And by the way, considering we spent four hours building our desk, we’d say Ikea also made us do forced labor. Let us know when we can sue because we need $150 to replace our cracked iPhone screen.
 
 

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