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COLUMN: Valentines Vignettes

Published: Sunday, February 10, 2013

Updated: Monday, February 11, 2013 00:02

The day is upon us. That day where everything is drenched in pink, candy grams are delivered by every service trip on campus, and hearts all over are stolen or crushed. Yes, it’s the day of anticipation and let down that is an ode to St. Valentine. Now I don’t mean to be the morbid writer who refuses to believe in the idea of romanticism—I’ve read my fair share of Jane Austen, and I truly wish I lived in the 1800s, but alas that is not the life I have been given, and that is not the time period I reside in. No, I, along with the rest of you, have been cursed to live in a time of romantic confusion, women’s equality, and a muddled mess that is Boston College dating. So in honor of the Hallmark-created day of sappy cards and oversized stuffed animals, lets explore the different types of relationships here at BC and see if there is hope for all those who secretly wish to be delivered a rose from the Relay Fundraiser.

The Mod Hook-Up

It’s a Saturday night, and lets be real, she’s looking hot. She’s wearing jeans that are one size too small—so they basically look great—and its time for the Mods. She’s there for half an hour before she locks eyes with the most beautiful boy ever and 45 minutes before the two are playing tonsil hockey. She’s pretty sure this is it—they’re going to defy the stereotype of the Mod hook up. But then it’s Sunday, and she doesn’t get a text. And it’s Tuesday, still no text. By Wednesday she’s a little down and by Friday she hates the guy who was supposed to be prince charming. But as Saturday rolls around, she throws on that pair of jeans and is ready to do it again.

The Love Birds

This is the couple that’s literally joined at the hip. Where one goes the other is bound to follow—it’s like they are literally leashed to one another. They finish each other’s sentences, cuddle constantly, and make kissy noises that make everyone within earshot gag. When they are in the middle of a party they act like no one else is in the room, or in the universe for that matter. The real losers in this situation are the roommates, who are constantly uncomfortable or asked to leave. It’s as if the two are really just one, and not in the romantic way where they share a soul, but in a gross way where they share a toothbrush.

The Not-Dating Daters

"We just don’t want a label" is the slogan these lovers chant. This is the couple (or wait, not a couple?) that goes on dates and does homework together in the Chocolate Bar, yet still refuses to admit they are dating. In reality, they are scared to nest as the love birds so freely do, and so they feel that by refraining from adding a label they can avoid becoming so obviously head over heels. These relationships don’t last, for either the sweethearts morph into one person or they become so scared of commitment that they traumatically sever all ties.

The One Dating His Books

Who has time for a significant other? Not this academic all-star, that’s for sure! Aristotle and a chemistry textbook are enough fulfillment in the life of what every other being would consider a pathetic existence. Social scenes? Not his thing, he would rather spend Saturday night among the books of Bapst than the people of Iggy. After all, doesn’t everyone think a 4.0 is better than cuddling and watching Batman on a snowy day?

The Never-Going-To-Work Long Distance

We all know people in these relationships. No matter how much they argue, it is their love that will make it. They spend most of their time on the phone in fights. They swear they have true love and it is worth the hassle of a relationship that barely exists beyond telephone wires, but the roommate who hears nothing but sobs and screams may say otherwise.

The Complainer

Single and alone, this person claims they are dating themselves for the semester, yet in reality they are simply whining to anyone who will listen. I have one thing to say to this sad soul: get Tinder.

The Successful Relationship

This relationship is an endangered species on campus, but as you inch closer to the dreaded day that is graduation, it seems as though what was a rare sighting becomes a bit more regular. In every way, this couple has it down. They know how to handle all social situations, from parties to dinner with the gang, and there is what seems to be the perfect amount of PDA that makes those who witness it murmur "aww" instead of the typical "ew." This couple makes it seem as though there actually is hope on this campus, and maybe there is. After all they don’t make the cute little cheerleading outfits for nothing—70 percent of Eagles marry other Eagles.

 

Editor’s Note: The views presented in this column are those of the author alone and do not represent the views of The Heights.

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