Few college experiences arouse more stress, anxiety, and hurt feelings than the housing selection process. As a senior, I've seen it all. I've lived in doubles, a single, a suite, and an apartment. I've lived in a haunted dorm, a tiny room, an apartment with an ant problem, and a gorgeous new suite. I've had roommates who were awesome, roommates who drank too much, roommates who were close friends, and roommates who were disagreeable.
If I've learned anything from my four years living at college, it's that life doesn't care about your plans. And sometimes the most unexpected things, over which we exert the least control, turn out to be the absolute best things.
During the past few weeks, I've overheard countless students fret over the housing selection process. "We need one more person for our eight man!" "There's no way I'm living with her!" "Can I live with you?" "So-and-so wants to live in 2000, but we want to live on Foster!" "They denied my appeal for housing!"
These worries are linked by an underlying theme — a desire for control. Unfortunately, even our best efforts are apt to fall short when we attempt to impose order on things that are fundamentally uncertain. For those who are disappointed or nervous about next semester's living arrangements, take comfort.
In my experience, the living situations that were the most calculated, the most planned, the most what I thought I wanted, turned out to be the worst. The arrangements that were completely outside of my control and that I was initially most concerned about turned out to be by far the happiest and healthiest. Over the past four years of campus living, I've learned the following:
Living with close friends can be overrated. While it might seem ideal to live with your best friends at college, ultimately, it can sometimes hurt and (in the worst case scenario) irreparably damage friendships. The appeal of living with close friends fades when quips arise over silly things like music preferences, whose turn it is to take out the trash, and how early or late people wake up or go to sleep. Some of my best friends are people with whom I would probably not be conducive to live. And that's okay.
The housing process also underscores the importance of honesty. Too many times, I've witnessed people doubt whether or not they want to live with someone and wait until the last moment–or not at all–to voice their apprehensions. This inevitably causes drama and hurt feelings. In this situation, as in most else, assertiveness and transparency are vital. It is best to take a deep breath and share your concerns as kindly and decently as possible.
Arguably, I have learned as much, or more, about life from living at college than I have from attending classes. I have learned that living with others teaches a tremendous amount about the nature of relationships, and that there is value in every experience—both positive and negative. If you have had a less than awesome time living with a roommate, reflect on it. What have you learned about yourself? Is there anything that you wish you had done differently? How will what you have learned influence your future decisions and relationships?
The college housing process is quite the ride. It simultaneously highlights our deepest insecurities and provides us with opportunities for lifelong friendships and incredible fun. As I am about to alight from the ride, I have gained some clarity and perspective.
Where and with whom we live defines our college experience only if we want it to. While I feel great excitement and relief that I am about to graduate, and that the next place that I choose to live will be entirely my choice, I hope this proves to be a good thing. I am optimistic that four years living at college and 22 years living on this planet has taught me how to meaningfully co-exist with others.
As for you? I suggest embracing the housing process. Relish in the chaos and uncertainty of it all. The sooner we make peace with this, the sooner we make peace with life.
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