Published: Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Updated: Wednesday, February 27, 2013 23:02
Spring Break - Two more days to sweet, sweet freedom. Even though we all have homework to do over the break, we won’t. Sure, we say we’ll do it on the plane, but then it seems so much more appealing to sleep/watch that movie we’ve never heard of/do the crossword in the magazine in the seatback pocket … and the Sudoku … and the word scramble … and memorize the floor plans of all the major U.S. airports. Then boom, the plane lands and we blissfully ignore all academic obligations for nine days. We can’t wait.
Mr. Rodman Goes to NoKo - Turns out Kim Jong-un is a huge Dennis Rodman fan. We recently saw a photo on the Internet of a young Kim rocking a Rodman Bulls jersey. Besides this being the best photo to surface from the country since all the photographs featuring Kim Jong-il looking at something, we think it offers a solution to the North Korea problem: appoint Rodman ambassador. He’ll challenge Kim to a friendly game of one-on-one, secretly let him win, charm him over discussions of facial piercings, and convince him to abandon the whole nuclear weapon thing cuz it just isn’t cool. Voila. Also, for a little insight into the life of a North Korean, look at the English translation of their newspaper, Rodong Sinmun. It’ll blow your mind. A snippet from the article on the recent nuclear test: “The scientists, technicians, workers, soldier-builders, and officials braced themselves up to rapidly develop the nation’s nuclear technology and thus make a positive contribution to further glorifying the DPRK as a nuclear weapons state.” We’re not kidding.
An Unholy Alliance - The other day, we witnessed someone get written up in Mac for hiding chicken in their salad bowl. We do not lie. The situation went a little like this: your average, defenseless BC female in the jungle of Mac at 1 p.m. finally makes it to the end of the line to pay: safety from the swarms of hungry freshmen is just around the corner. But as she takes her card back from the cashier and takes her first step into the clearing, two managers clearly trained in guerilla warfare appear out of nowhere. The girl is trapped! She tries to explain that she had simply forgotten about the chicken breast hidden beneath the piles of vegetable in her bowl, but the managers are showing no mercy to their prisoner. They take down her name and ID number and all witnesses are struck by the resemblance of the situation to a drunk student being documented for having a party in his/her dorm room. Have the RAs and the BC Dining managers joined forces to strike fear into the hearts of all quiet hours-violating, chicken-stealing, underage-drinking students? Nowhere is safe anymore. And we don’t even want to think about what will happen to Late Night.
Ark of the 21st Century - So if any of us actually were feeling a little bummed about leaving Chestnut Hill for a week, the torrents of rain being dumped on us these past couple days have hosed that sentiment right out of us. It’s as if God has lined up all his little angel minions, armed them with super soakers, and had them all aim right at the Newton/Boston border. Frankly, it’s a mess, and we don’t know what we’ve done that prompted God to smite us in this way. Fine, we caved and had sweets on Tuesday, but isn’t this kind of an overreaction? The only explanation: humanity has failed Him once again. Hit us up if you spot anyone accompanied by numerous pairs of various animal species.
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