Published: Monday, April 23, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 20:01
I’ve stared at a blinking cursor and blank word document, attempting to write some semblance of a coherent opinions column, for what seems like a hundred times since first becoming a member of The Heights freshman year. This will be my last column as a junior, and as I look forward to continuing to write through my senior year, I’m beginning to realize how much I’ve learned about myself, this school, and college life since 2009. This piece doesn’t really have the same format or flow of a traditional column, but I wanted to try to impart some of my (perhaps useless) observations thus far. The sky is the limit for senior year, and these are a few of the lessons that will influence my last hurrah at Boston College.
We Party to One Children’s Song Each Year: It’s usually a tune targeted toward a Disney Channel demographic, yet college kids proceed to play it while becoming belligerently drunk. Freshman year, it was “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus, sophomore year it was “Friday” by Rebecca Black, and this year it is “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. While taking my 10-year-old sister and her friend out for ice cream over Easter Break, “Call Me Maybe” came on the radio. While the two kids belted out the lyrics, all I could think about was my friend doing a keg stand with the same song playing in the background.
College is a Place Void of Time Zones: I’m convinced that at this point, you could drop me on a deserted island somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I wouldn’t have a hard time adjusting to the time difference. I still don’t understand Daylight Savings time, since most of the time I’m awake it’s dark anyway. My Wednesdays are like living in Romania and my Tuesdays are like residing in Kentucky. When you start class one day at 10:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. the next, you tend to sleep when it’s convenient and in no relation to where the sun is in the sky. If I want to have Froot Loops at 6 p.m., I’ll still call it breakfast if I so desire.
Caffeine is a Government Creation to Trick Us into Productivity: I never had a sip of coffee before coming to college. It’s pathetic acknowledging that I’d now be willing to perform some less than respectable acts for a Red Bull or Vanilla Iced Coffee from Hillside.
Don’t Try to Print Something in the CTRC Five Minutes Before Class: If you enjoy waiting in line like you’re at the Department of Motor Vehicles, then ignore this observation. There might as well be a crew of lumberjack men chopping down the trees surrounding the Reservoir between 9:15 and 9:30 to fuel the overworked printers during the time period.
Dating Will Never Die as Long as Meal Plans Exist: Chivalry isn’t dead. Guys will continue to ask girls on lunch dates at Eagles Nest and Corcoran Commons as long as female students have student ID cards with significantly more cash on them. Statistics show that there is an increase in Facebook official relationships toward the end of the semester when males are looking for a companion who can quell their hunger pains.
Students are Bipolar When it comes to Current Events: Most kids on campus couldn’t name two of the candidates running for the Republican nomination in the upcoming presidential election. But the same individuals will take to Facebook and Twitter in tornado-like fashion when they see a meaningful, viral YouTube video. Suddenly they are educated, energetic, single-minded reformers. Students are either disgustingly apathetic or raising their pitchforks like a Vietnam War protest, prepared to set fire to Bapst in order to make a point.
Newton is a Long Distance Relationship: In middle school, I was required to read a book about Sir Ernest Shackleton, an explorer whose crew was stranded in the Antarctic and forced to trek across polar regions in search of help. This unfortunate journey is similar to trying to walk to Newton Campus. Five minutes into the trip, you feel hopeless, tired, cold, and alone.
Don’t Run: If you’re at a house party, don’t panic and start pushing and shoving. The cops will probably just let you leave if you don’t live there.
(Run: If you know you’re faster … hell, why not.)