Published: Thursday, March 29, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, January 9, 2013 18:01
Prepare for the kinda-worst- Good news everybody! A document from FEMA outlines what would happen if Washington, D.C. got hit by a nuclear bomb, and it is really not that bad. The blast zone would only be half a mile, and the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument would suffer little to no damage. Not to mention, with the presence of social media, the word would get out a lot faster. So Doomsday Preppers, you can all stop training your German Shepherds as attack dogs and put your biosealed mountain bunkers on the market, because we might all have a chance for survival.
Semi-charmed kind of concert- Yes, Yes, and more yes. Although we might have to wear a Spice Girls t-shirt and a scrunchie to attend this year’s Spring Concert, we are beyond pumped that it is Third Eye Blind and Nelly. Sorry if we freak anyone out in Conte with our emotional portrayal of “Never Let You Go.”
Another excuse to be lazy- A study done by Sydney University shows that homework has no tangible benefit on improving students; comprehension. We have no idea if Sydney University is a credible source, but we are just going to choose to believe this and not do any homework again. Philosophy of the Person reading? Smell ya later. We’re going to sit on our butt and watch Dance Moms.
A Very One Percent Story- Greg Smith, the former Goldman Sachs employee who resigned via an scathing Op-Ed in the New York Times, is rumored to be getting a book deal worth over a million dollars. In review, that is more than his salary at the world’s most vilified bank. In summary, a member of the one percent writes a very public bashing of his one percent peers, loses his job, but ends up richer than ever. Hats off to you, Greg Smith. We complain about spoiled brat things all the time in this column and no one has given us a book deal. If any publishers out there are reading this, we will whine about anything and give a giant f—you to a bunch of people for that much money. We have no filter.
Game of Stoves- A fan of the popular series-turned-HBO show has published a Game of Thrones cookbook. That’s pretty weird. The characters in Game of Thrones eat like, direwolf and bear meat. Daenerys Targaryen ate a raw horse heart and almost barfed it up. Why would we want recipes for any of those? Like, mmm Mom, we just love this stewed raven! I hope you make it all the time! Yeah... no.
Overscheduling- Did anyone else notice how many events went on this weekend? 100 Days, Middlemarch, ALC showdown? Spring Awakening? We should probably plan a better schedule next year, because no one can be in a million places at once.