Opinions, Column

The Return Of Smash Bros. And Fire Alarms

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Super Smash Bros. Calculator Edition: There really is no limit to human ingenuity. Some enterprising young programmer created a pared-down version of the Nintendo hit, Super Smash Bros., for the everyday TI-83 or TI-84 calculators we all use. Sure, there are only two characters from which to choose, but the programmer did include single- and multi-player capabilities. He was also kind enough to make all of the code open-source and easy to modify, which means we can expect more levels, more characters, and more fun in the near future, as nerds everywhere add more functionality. And we thought it was easy to distract ourselves during our intro physics class before—this takes it to a whole new level.

Uber-Spotify Partnership: When we thought that things could not get any better in terms of listening to music and getting from point A to point B quickly and cheaply, this comes along to bring those two together in a beautiful harmony. Later this week, the two companies are going to announce the specifics of their partnership, so for now, we can only speculate on how awesome this will be. No longer will we be forced to listen to whatever obscure station the Uber driver decides to play during our trip. We love the idea of being able to channel our meticulously cultivated Spotify playlists instead.

Running Sweatshirts with Thumb Holes: These seemingly useless holes in many long-sleeved workout tops and running pullovers are actually the most underrated winter survival measures. If you are actually using them for their intended purpose, these thumb holes keep your poor little motivated hands from getting too cold while working outside. If you are … erm … not so motivated, fear not. They are perfectly useful in cold libraries or dorm rooms that aren’t heated enough. You just secure the sleeves over your thumbs, and your fingertips are still exposed enough to type. Everyone wins.

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Superfluous Staircases: If you frequently utilize the staircase that runs to the side of the Comm. Ave. parking garage (sometimes referred to as the “Half-Million-Dollar Staircase,” but we prefer “$500,000-Staircase”), then you have probably noticed the construction between the last and the second-to-last flights of stairs going up to the road behind St. Mary’s. For many weeks, we looked on in wonder and confusion, just waiting for the moment when we could determine what the new structure would be and what purpose it would serve. Well, it has been finished and put to use, and it is, drumroll please, another staircase! Apparently, the one staircase going toward the garage from the penultimate landing wasn’t enough, and there needed to be another staircase oriented toward St. Mary’s. Apparently, it is too much to ask for people to walk, oh, we don’t know, maybe five yards that is the distance between the top of the two staircases. Apparently, people are really lazy … wait, this one isn’t sarcasm, after all—it’s just true. Well, either way, another set of stairs is definitely not justified.

Saturday Morning Fire Alarms: Whoever it was in Ignacio who burnt his or her toast Saturday morning, we hate you. We were just trying to catch up on our sleep, and you pull this s—t.

Featured Image by Emily Sadeghian / Heights Editor

November 17, 2014