The Dawn of Winter and Banned Hoverboards

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Endless Possibilities – With the start of a new semester comes a bevy of options. The entire world is our oyster here at Boston College. Get straight A’s? Read Ulysses? Join a new club? Make a new friend? Prove to the world that your existence matters? It all seems possible in this first week.

The Leftovers – The best television show currently airing finished its phenomenal second season in the beginning of December. If you haven’t watched this depressing, perplexing, and extremely rewarding show, you need to fix that immediately. Every minute you spend watching Severely Overweight Truckers’ Wives and My Son’s in Love with a Gerbil: An Adorable Atrocity is  a complete waste of television time. WATCH THE LEFTOVERS before it dissap

Winter – Some people say winter is the worst season of the year. Those people are what we in the business call wrong. Winter is a perfectly unique season with the most captivating weather of the year. We all get to wear jackets and breathe little clouds of magical vapor into the air every time we exhale. The driving winds might numb your face, and your nose might run like a disgusting waterfall of snot, but always remember that winter is what separates us from the godforsaken land of California.

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A Crowded Plex – With the bitter cold of winter rolling in like a terrifying ball of frost-covered chutney comes a Plex filled with pansies. What’s the matter, too cold to run outside? Scared of a little frostbite? Who needs toes when you have the empty satisfaction of having run through the ice and snow like a rugged woodsman. All of you bums taking up the treadmills need to get outside and brave the cold so you can open up the Plex to dashingly handsome, clever, and charmingly humble newspaper writers who need to drop a few pounds.

Doing Things Again – After nearly a month of pure relaxation, it’s time to figure out how to take care of business once again. It’s time to start writing in your planner, marking events in your calendar, sobbing under a cold shower, and being a professional student. Spring semester has begun, children, watch your backs.

Hoverboards – They don’t hover. They are not hoverboards. They’re goofy-looking Segways without the handles. But unlike Segways, these things catch fire and explode. The only thing they have ever accomplished is knocking down heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. BC was right to ban the idiotic fire hazards.

Featured Image by The Associated Press

January 21, 2016

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