Being Relatable and Re-Wearing Underwear

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Weirdly Warm Weather – The warmth of the sun, the smell of freshly melted snow soaking into the grass, people wearing long-sleeve t-shirts and light sweaters: it all comes together to make the least seasonal beginning to February we’ve ever seen. It felt like the end of the school year, or the spring thaw. Luckily, it should only last a few days and then we can get back to the wind-whipped, snow-flying fury of New England winter.

Closed Doors – Remember freshman year, when your RA told everyone to keep their doors open if they wanted to make friends and share the good vibes of community and love? That was stupid and dumb. Closed doors are the best. They keep people out. There’s nothing better than spending 27 hours in one room with a closed door, two bottles of milk, 17 empty mason jars, and a vial of your own tears.

Being Relatable – You all get what I’m saying, right? Everyone locks themselves in small rooms with various strange items? This is all totally normal and everyone can relate because there’s nothing better than ubiquitous, uninteresting platitudes that everyone can be part of.

Ubiquitous – If you ever want to sound pretentious, feel free to use the word ubiquitous. People will respect you and want to spend more time with you.

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Running out of Socks – Everyone knows you can re-wear underwear for at least eight days, and you never have to wash your pants or shirt, but when it comes to socks, it’s one and done. You wake up one morning to find yourself searching desperately for a clean pair of socks, only to find you’ve once again run out. The rest of your clothes are in perfectly good, clean supply, but you still have to do laundry because the terrible stench of your godforsaken footses has destroyed every pair of socks you own.

Being Polite in Emails – Dear Franklin, How are you today? It’s been three days since I last saw you and I do miss you so. I hope you’re feeling fantabulous and that every day brings you peace and goodwill. I’m writing to you on this fine day to inquire as to whether or not you will ever decide to get off your lazy hindquarters and do your work for our group project. I hope I don’t sound harsh or overly serious, but I promise that I will destroy every facet of your existence if you don’t respond to this email. Other than that, everything seems great, positively dandy. Best wishes, Jeremiah J. TennyPenny.

Broken Headphones – You pay seven dollars for a pair of headphones expecting that they’ll last for the rest of your life. But no, they break and now you can’t listen to your rad tunes while strutting through the mean streets of Newton. It’s a shame, a damn shame.

Featured Image by Alex Brandon

February 3, 2016