Opinions, Column

How to Break Up With Your Boy/Girlfriend, If You’re Bored

It is near the end of March, the first official day of spring was the 21st and cuffing season is officially over. Which means that this week’s column will cover the different ways and the “dos and don’ts” of breaking up.

As Boston College students, we are—for the most part—intelligent people. In the last few years, however, I have noticed the majority of the students’ knowledge is tied to the books and that there is a considerable lack of relational intelligence. This column will hopefully help you through your upcoming or current breakups.

Here are my top-five places and ways to break up on campus (depending on the type of person you and your soon to be ex-mate are):

  1. The Dorm Room Breakup – This breakup is for that ethically-righteous couple that has mutual respect for one another. In short, this breakup is a private, face-to-face encounter that has no backhanded comments or fighting in public places. Nine times out of 10, the breakup will be civil. You both will be sad, but simultaneously relieved that you are no longer committed to each other.
  2. The Library Table Breakup – This breakup is for those couples that argue a little too much. Either one or both of them do not want to say their thoughts in private. To ensure nothing gets out of hand and emotions are suppressed, O’Neill Library is the perfect amount of public but also private. A plus is that if there’s an awkward silence during the table talk, then you always can just look down and busy yourself with assigned work. Yet the only downside to this breakup is the possibility of nosy eavesdroppers pretending to listen to music. But that can also be a signal to those around you that you are now single.
  3. The Lower Live Breakup – This breakup is for the situations when you know that the conversation is not going to end well. Regardless of the level of respect and politeness you plan on giving your soon-to-be ex-mate, breakups should never happen in the Rat, the Chocolate Bar, Hillside, or Mac. The least you can do is be in the busiest, most compact dining hall with 700 of your least-acquainted fellow students. With people coming in and out, you can barely hear your reasoning for the breakup. This is especially useful if you do not have a logical or valid reason for breaking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Plus, you can always offer to buy them Lower dinner if the breakup goes surprisingly well.
  4. The Comm Ave Bus Breakup – If you consider yourself barely attached to your exclusive, then you should strongly consider this breakup. In a nutshell, this breakup is short and not-so-sweet. It takes a certain kind of person—a cold-hearted and completely cut-off one—to execute this breakup. My advice to you is to wait until about 7 p.m. (I am assuming you’ll want to eat dinner before this) when the Comm. Ave All Stops bus is running, with the destination in mind being Cleveland Circle. This will allow you time to kind of ease into it, but depending on where you live, can determine where you get on. For example: if you live in 2000, you should get on at the stop right outside of Mac. If you live on Upper, well… you should probably get on while the bus is sitting there in front of Conte Forum (good luck). The reason why these are good distances is that it allows you to come up with any number of bad explanations of why you want to break up, then just hop off and leave them.
  5. The Parking Garage Banner Breakup –
  6. This breakup is for the person who cannot stand conflict but desires to end a relationship. There is no need to sign your name at the bottom of the banner, but you definitely need to put their first name on it. I am 100 percent sure they will know that the banner was made for them, specifically from you. However, if you decide this is the breakup for you, you should be respectful and keep it short and to the point. For example, the banner could say: “insert name here, it is not you, it’s me. #BreakUp.” If you are more of a wordy person, throw up one or two more signs stating something like: “I’m sorry” or “I know I am a coward.” Just a little something to let that person know you are the one looking like a jerk and they shouldn’t feel like it was their fault.

After the breakup happens there are a few “dos and don’ts” when it comes to your actions shortly after initiating a breakup:

DO – an activity that makes you forget about the breakup.

DON’T – sit in your room wondering if you made the right decision, because guess what, you did it, and there’s no taking it back.

DO – talk and make plans with new people. The more new people in your life, the less likely you are to go back to your “old” people.

DON’T – post anything on social media. While there’s nothing preventing you from having a good time, you already look pretty bad because of the way you broke up with your ex. Give it about a month, then you can start to post all the fun you’re having. This is just common courtesy.

Pick whatever type of breakup works for the kind of person you are. Just always remember, if you are initiating the breakup, every succeeding action directed at your ex cannot be in any way petty or regretful.

March 24, 2019

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