This transcript has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Kaylie: What did everyone think? Do you think it was better or worse than last week?
Emily: I thought it was better, but I don’t really have any definitive reasons why. I just think I laughed more.
Jacob: I also think I laughed more.
Kaylie: Well, I think there were more callbacks to Oh, Hello stuff, you know … like um… the hummus. The hummus was a good part.
Steven: The Columbia enrollment.
Kaylie: The Social Security was a nice add-in there.
Steven: “We share a social security number.”
Jacob: George continues to abuse Gil, which is sort of the same.
Kaylie: Steven, since you complained last week that there was nothing new, what did you think that this week it was even more of the old stuff?
Steven: Yeah, it’s a, uh … a tired reimagination of the plot of the play. Period. I don’t think that they’re really out here producing any new content. And the only times that they have new content they voiceover it with sponsorships that also have been made on truly every podcast that’s ever existed. So you would think they wouldn’t have done that bit either. But here we stand.
Jacob: Yeah, but these sponsors aren’t sponsors that actually sponsor podcasts.
Steven: But you’ve never heard a pod that also does fake sponsorships?
Jacob: Yeah, I have. I mean, like Tiny Meat Gang does that but like—
Steven: What is that?
Jacob: Oh, well. It’s two guys [who] were really popular on Vine.
Kaylie: It’s Cody Ko and Noel Miller, right?
Jacob: Yeah, but anyway, I like the sponsors even if, you know, the joke format is not original.
Steven: But what do we think of them? What do we think of them only occurring when they have their guests on so it’s the only point where there could maybe be some new content—that it’s just spoken over by them? What do we think?
Kaylie: Here’s the thing, the guests aren’t funny.
Jacob: So wait when we talk about John Oliver—
Kaylie: Ok wait—let me backtrack, let me backtrack. I love John Oliver. I watch Last Week Tonight every week, even now that it doesn’t have the laugh track which is, like, weird. It’s a weird vibe. It’s just him in a white room and he talks and there’s no cue to laugh.
Jacob: Yeah, I have also seen it. It’s weird.
Kaylie: Isn’t it? It’s weird, but like my thing about it is I still laugh even without other people, like the live studio audience, laughing to tell me that I should laugh, and so I know he’s actually funny. But I think the guests, like Ira and … Sarah is her name, right?
Steven: Yes, Ira Glass.
Jacob: And Sarah Koenig.
Kaylie: They’re not supposed to be funny, so I don’t care what they have to say.
Steven: Yeah, so that’s what I was talking about. Like when they had John Oliver on, they talked over him, so like why even have him on then? And then there was the funniest part, the last two and a half minutes. I could have just listened to that, and I would have been very happy.
Kaylie: Can you jog my memory—which part was that?
Steven: Well he made an Ira Glass-slash-Philip Glass joke I thought was very well thought out. And it was also when John Oliver was just making fun of the fact that Princess Diana died because they were driving too fast and weren’t wearing seatbelts. And I think that was a good add.
Kaylie: I’m gonna take the bait. Who is Ira Glass, and why do people keep bringing her up?
Jacob: We went over this last time!
Steven: We did go over this last time, and I was like—
Jacob: Steven, take it away.
Steven: Alright I’d love to. Ira Glass is like—I don’t know—maybe one of the most famous radio interviewers [of] the last 20, 30 years.
Kaylie: See, that’s the problem right there. I hate the radio. I think it’s dumb.
Steven: Well, but. Okay.
Kaylie: But I support independent radio stations. There we go.
Jacob: What’s Columbia J School gonna say when they see this?
Kaylie: I’m not going to Columbia J School. That—that’s on the record.
Steven: Ugh, okay. And he does This American Life, and he also helped produce other notable pods. Sarah Koenig did Serial, which I didn’t really like.
Jacob: Emily, what was your favorite part of the episode?
Emily: You know, it’s interesting how I just finished listening to this about five minutes ago yet none of it really stood out to me enough to remember it now. But—what was the first advertisement on this one?
Emily: No, there’s another one.
Jacob: Babe Ruth? I don’t remember, but I did like the reference to the Moody Blues on the Moody Blues Cruise.
Emily: That was funny.
Jacob: I like that they made a reference to the East India Company. That made me laugh out loud. Made me LOL.
Steven: Puttin’ that eighth grade U.S. history to use.
Jacob: Or that in-depth knowledge of the Pirates of the Caribbean overarching antagonists. I
can say more about that. So, as you know, the Pirates of Caribbean movies have many antagonists, one of which being the British troops soldiers—you know, seamen—who represent the East New trading and their efforts to corporatize the pirate world.
Kaylie: Okay, so….
Jacob: I have notes written down.
Kaylie: Okay, yeah do you want to just read them verbatim?
Jacob: Nope, but I thought one good thing was the free association bit, I thought that was funny. And I think it represents how a long time has passed. But the one thing I don’t like is I often cannot tell—hold on there’s a big truck coming. Alright, so the one thing I don’t like—
Steven: No, how many furlongs is this truck? How many cubics?
Jacob: Many. So the one thing I did not like, that I continue to not like, is I cannot tell when they’re in the present and when they’re in the past—like when they’re commenting on stuff that happens that they’re, like, playing back and when they’re just talking in the past when they were doing this mystery.
Emily: That also confused me, like in the beginning of this one. I didn’t know when they were talking about—what was that girl’s name?
Jacob and Steven: Oh—Princess Diana?
Kaylie: Ira Glass?
Jacob: Look guys, hang on. A tiny turtle. Okay, so I’m gonna carry him to the water but anyway, we’ll keep talking. Yeah, it’s kinda hard to tell where they are in this podcast.
Steven: I just kind of imagine it as wholly detached, which is kind of what Kaylie was saying yesterday, where they don’t really talk about, you know, the present moment. I like that they’re still not doing that.
Kaylie: Yeah, yeah. I like not talking about coronavirus.
Jacob: Um, any other podcast comments?
Kaylie: I liked the V8 bit, I was actually—
Emily: Oh, that’s the bit I was talking about!
Jacob: Oh my god, guys.
Jacob: Pause. I walked up [to the water]. There is an alligator right there. There’s a literal alligator. Okay, I’m gonna get real close to the water and just wave my arm out—you know, like a prey.
*Immense gusts of wind batter Jacob’s phone mic*
Emily: Jacob, it’s so windy.
Jacob: Yeah, I’m sorry. Alright, I’m behind this tree. This tree will block the gusts. Is there anything else we want to talk about with this podcast?
Kaylie: So who do you think they’re gonna have on the show next week?
Jacob: Pete Davidson. He was second in the trailer, so I’m gonna lock in with Pete.
Steven: Who would we most like to see on the pod?
Kaylie: I still stand by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.
Jacob: Uhhhhh, Jason Mantzoukas.
Emily: I want them to interview a royal. Like, I want them to interview the queen.
Kaylie: Or Prince Harry. You know, I hear he’s not busy these days … Ok, so anything else about the podcast? What do you guys think?
Jacob: Meh. I’m excited for next week though.
Steven: Excited for this conversation or just for the pod? Where does the pod rank on, like, things you look forward to in the week?
Jacob: The things that I don’t remember until Friday and then I’m like, “Oh, yeah. That’s nice.”
Featured graphic by Ally Mozeliak / Heights Editor