Opinions, Column

The 13 Types of Students in Core Classes

Common Core classes, we all have to take them, most of us hate them. One more thing they all have in common: They’re made up of the same types of people:

  • The panicked freshman 
    • This is the student who walks in 15 minutes late to the first class and does not hesitate to apologize profusely to the professor, email the entire class, and apologize for the inconvenience they caused. This kid is the one who is most likely to trip and fall, spilling their coffee and sending their lecture notes flying everywhere. Everyone feels sorry for this kid. Most of us have been in this kid’s shoes. 
  • The grade-hungry kid 
    • Definitely one of the worst kinds. The student that only comes to office hours the week before the exam and tries to trick the professor into giving them their test questions. Instead of simply studying and asking content-based questions, they resort to asking questions about the test format, whether the reading will be on the test, whether the homework will be on the test, whether their pet duck’s cousin’s neighbor’s social security number will be on the test. 
  • The kid crushing on the professor
    • This person sits in the very front of the class and often fights with the grade-hungry student over the seat closest to the professor. This is the kid who wakes up three hours earlier in order to get ready for class. And I don’t mean academically ready. I mean hair done, clothes pressed, freshly-shaven. This kid often puts a lot more effort into their appearance than your average college student and doesn’t hesitate to drown themselves in cologne or perfume before class. Unsurprisingly, this kid seems to be at every office hours session and laughs a little too long at the professor’s lame jokes about our generation’s mango Juuling addiction. 
  • The senior 
    • This kid either doesn’t show up or shows up, sits in the back, and takes their midday nap in the middle of the lecture. They’re usually the ones who give in the exam after only 20 minutes and are the worst people to get forced into a group project with. They care about the class almost as little as the Jesuits perpetually chiling in the portraits on the walls of Gasson.
  • The junior who just returned from abroad 
    • This person doesn’t hesitate to let you know about their amazing experiences in Australia. You will be shown the same koala photo at least four times. They somehow maintain their tan the entire semester while the rest of us return to the ghost-like paleness encouraged by Boston weather. 
  • The “undecided” sophomore 
    • This is the kid who is running out of time to choose a major and is hoping that this class will be “the one” that leads them to the path of  their dreams. Just declare a perspectives major already please. 
  • Overachievers 
    • Thank you for ruining the curve for everyone else. Not cool. And yet, I cannot say anything bad about these people, because really, we all lowkey wish we could be like them. Or at least I do. Always ahead of everyone else, they finish their work ahead of time and they don’t really seem to understand the concept of procrastination. May we all be like them, ever to excel. 
  • The one who is always late
    • This kid doesn’t seem to own a watch or have any sense of time management. After the first midterm, it becomes apparent that tardiness is just who this person is, and even the professor gives up on passive-aggressively referring to the time as they walk in 15 minutes late, dripping wet hair, iced coffee in hand, Gucci sweatpants, Balenciaga sneakers, without a care in the world. 
  • The one who brings in smelly food. 
    • If you are this person, I hate you. Seriously, nobody likes you. Core classes are hard enough to sit through, no one needs your smelly food stinking up the entire room for an hour and 15 minutes. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person. Just eat before class, after class, or refrain from bringing in hard boiled eggs.
  • The cheater
    • Just kidding, because here at BC we all abide by the honor code. But at other schools, everyone hates this kid. Their eyes wander to every paper but their own during midterms. They’re the reason the rest of us can’t wear hats during exams anymore and the reason some professors won’t let us use the bathroom during an exam. This student never studies but finesses their way to an A minus. 
  • The besties
    • The dynamic duo. Two peas in a pod. The pair of friends who took the class together, just like they do everything else together. They dress like one another. Toward the end of the semester, they even start to look like one another. 
  • The wannabe devil’s advocate
    • Possibly the second worst type of student, after the smelly eater. This is the kid that raises their hand straight up, 180 degrees. It goes up in a mathematically-perfect line in the most obnoxious way possible to get the professor’s attention. Once they do so, they proceed to ask the most irrelevant, unproductive, excruciatingly painful questions or remarks, with the sole purpose of proving the professor wrong. Something along the lines of: “I see your point but what if …” I once witnessed a devil’s advocate trying to argue with the professor on syllabus day
  • The kid who actually cares
    • Last but not least, this is the rarest of them all. The student who reminds the teacher about the missing reading on Canvas or asks about discrepancies on the syllabus. The one who truly deserves the A but will get the A minus. 
September 22, 2019