Ignacio Third Floor: This semester’s TU/TD were brought to you in part by the entire third floor of Ignacio. (Yes, that even includes those of you who don’t know you contributed. Sometimes, it’s not what we are told—it’s what we notice.) We could not have brought the level of humor and absurdity to you, our good readers, that we did this semester (or at least we think we did) without them. We are going to miss the opportunity to report on their crazy antics in this column, but we suppose there is another floor in another building somewhere on this campus whose capers are equally worth telling.
Thanksgiving: The only redeeming aspect of November, this is one of America’s greatest holidays. Leaving aside the PR disaster that this whole business caused after the colonists decided to fight and kill most of the people with whom they had only decades earlier broken bread, this is a fantastic holiday. What’s not to love about a day of relaxation, eating, and drinking with your family and friends?
Japanese Game Shows: Speaking of absurdity, these probably take the cake. How do they come up with some of these things? There exist games such as “man eats spaghetti in a dryer” and “soccer with binoculars.” We are sure that someone somewhere gets paid very good money simply to think ridiculous thoughts. We just want to know where we can find a job application.
Mod Intruders: They climbin’ in yo’ windows, snatchin’ yo’ assets up, tryna’ take ’em, so y’all need to hide yo’ clothes, hide yo’ purse, hide yo’ clothes, hide yo’ purse, and hide yo’ laptops, ’cuz they’re takin’ everything out there. In all seriousness, though, it is a bit upsetting that this is the second time in as many weeks that theft has made it into TU/TD. Some of our friends had all of their laptops whisked away from their Mod in the dead of night the day before last, and they are now left without laptops at an inopportune time. What do we learn from this? One, always lock your doors and secure your windows. Even if robbery is not a serious concern, this precaution will keep drunk, confused freshmen with dazed “where’s-the-party” looks on their faces from wandering into your abode. Second, backup, backup, backup—always, always, always back up your computer on a regular basis. That way, if something unthinkable were to happen, you would at least have your data.
Farewell: This is our last offering to you before parting. It has been an honor and a privilege bringing TU/TD to you twice a week during the school year. We hope you have enjoyed reading these musings on life, liberty, and the pursuit of a better BC, as much as we have enjoyed writing them. We are well aware that our sense of humor is … different. The next time this paper comes out, TU/TD will be brought to you by other voices and other styles—ones that are unlikely to think making an accounting joke, consistently railing on normal New England weather, s—ting on every move that BC makes on social media, and making obscure references to dead authors are funny or worthwhile. Oh well, all things must pass. So, while fate is snatching this away from us, take this last column for sorrow’s tribute. And so, my brothers, hail, and farewell evermore!
Featured Image by Kevin Hou / Heights Senior Staff