The Myth of the Modern Martyr
Opinions, Column

The Myth of the Modern Martyr

For my penultimate column, we’re going to time travel. Why? Because, unfortunately, all that’s old is new again. (And also it was better than other suggestions like settling scores and relitigating the 2016 Democratic primary). It’s the early 2010s. Suzanne Collins has just dropped what will be a new kind of Bible for the children…

Pain and the Point of Senior Year
Opinions, Column

Pain and the Point of Senior Year

It was mid-November and I was at the end of my rope. Cards on the table: I’d had a bad six months. I ended the spring with MonoStrep (a simultaneous bout of mononucleosis and strep throat) and started the fall with a cold-turned-lung infection-turned-perforated eardrum. Sexy, I know. Not everything was going wrong—I have a…

Eel Sex And Other Unanswered Questions
Opinions, Column

Eel Sex And Other Unanswered Questions

No one knows how eels have sex.  Actually, let me be a little more specific. No one knows how European eels (also known as Anguilla anguilla) have sex.  I don’t remember where or when I first learned about this—probably from some pretentious podcast or something—but I think about it semi-frequently. I’m bored riding the Comm….

The Final Answer: How to Stick Butter to a Ceiling
Opinions, Column

The Final Answer: How to Stick Butter to a Ceiling

Last year, it seemed that the universe was against me. Or, at least it was against my investigative ventures, all of which ended in failure. I could sense the cosmic tides were changing, though, when the first family dinner of the holiday season coincided with Festivus (arguably the greatest meme holiday of all). To my…

Bench Plaques and Thoreau
Opinions, Column

Bench Plaques and Thoreau

I make myself cry probably once a week.  To be clear, it’s not because I’m sad (usually). It’s because I find myself so intensely hilarious that I will laugh until I’m crying profusely at my own joke—a joke that I often don’t even say out loud. I will tell myself a joke, in my head,…

Skunk Hunting in the Mods, Part Two
Opinions, Featured Column, Column

Skunk Hunting in the Mods, Part Two

Since my last column, I’ve rapidly gained a reputation as the trail-blazing, gorgeous lead reporter covering the skunk beat of Boston College. Two (that’s 2!) strangers approached me about my investigative work, which I’m pretty sure makes me BC famous. At first, I was honored—elated, even; but soon, just like all of the superheroes of…

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