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A Mad-Lib To Describe Your St. Patrick’s Day Weekend

Fill in the blanks and read out loud to relive the weekend with your friends:

Student No. 1: Hey [name] how was your St. Patrick’s weekend?
Student No. 2: Oh what’s up, [nickname], it was totally [adjective]! We woke up at [time] and started drinking immediately. I threw up on the [object found in a room] at 2 p.m. but rallied hard. Anything goes on St. Patty’s weekend!
Student No. 1: Woah, you’re right. That really does sound totally [adjective].
Student No. 2: Yeah, it was. I wore a green [article of clothing] and acted like it was warm outside. I went to a sick darty at [place].
Student No. 1: What?! How did a [insulting name from before the 1950s] like you get invited to a darty like that?
Student No. 2: Well, [BC professor] was working the door and I’m in his/her [mythological creature] class. It took a bit of [verb ending in “ing”], but [Same BC professor] let me in and we played [drinking game] and [late 1990s computer game] together for five [unit of time].
Student No. 1: But, I thought you were failing your [same mythological creature] class because you cheated on your [adjective] homework?
Student No. 2: I am, but anything goes on St. Patty’s weekend!
Student No. 1: You’re such a [adjective] [noun]! So what happened after that?
Student No. 2: The police and [former BC basketball coach] showed up with [medieval weapons] and tried to shut down the darty. Luckily for us, we had a vat of molten [liquid] and dumped it on their heads.
Student No. 1: Holy [place], it sounds like you murdered them!
Student No. 2: Hah, yeah. Totally. But anything goes on St. Patty’s weekend!
Student No. 1: [Same name uttered in grave tone], you guys scalded or at least [past tense verb] [former BC basketball coach] and a bunch of cops, how in the name of [celebrity] is that okay?
Student No. 2: Don’t worry about it [condescending nickname], we were just so [past tense verb] up on Rubi and [children’s book]. So after that we went to [a bar] to lay low for a while and watch college basketball, but it was way too packed with [animals found in the Serengeti], and I threw up on [Supreme Court justice] who was getting smashed.
Student No. 1: Stop talking you [adjective] maniac, I think I have to call the police! This is [adjective]!
Student No. 2: No, you’re not going to do that. Pulls [weapon] out of [article of clothing] and waves it menacingly. Just hear me out. We left the bar and went to [restaurant] for dinner. I had a [adjective] meal, and feeling thoroughly [past tense verb], I went to the hockey game.

[Famous BC grad] and a squad of BCPD officers burst through the door, grabbing Student No. 1 and zip tying his/her hands.

Student No. 1: What the [place] is going on? Why are you arresting me? [Same name] is the one you should be taking away!
[Same famous BC Grad]: Way to go [same name]. You held this [adjective] fun sucker here long enough for us to arrive. You’re under arrest for what you did on St. Patty’s weekend.
Student No. 1: But, I didn’t do anything, I was studying in [building on campus]!
[Same famous BC Grad]: Exactly. It’s “Anything goes on St. Patty’s weekend,” not “Nothing goes on St. Patty’s weekend.” You didn’t turn up hard enough, and now you’ll pay the price.

Student No. 1 goes to jail for [number] years.

Featured Image by Sean Elliot / AP Photo

Connor Mellas is a senior at Boston College. He used to be Sports Editor. Now he wanders aimlessly through the void. Follow him on Twitter @MellasHeights.

March 16, 2015

ONE COMMENT ON THIS POST To “A Mad-Lib To Describe Your St. Patrick’s Day Weekend”

  1. I
    have to say I find this piece offensive. Name one other ethnicity or
    race that it would be OK to drag out similar ugly stereotypes and slurs.
    I know St. Padraig’s day is a fun celebration, but lets celebrate the
    rich Irish culture of arts, literature,
    and dance, that it so much a part of Boston College. Would love to see a
    humor piece that skewers St. Paddy’s Day as a distillation of the
    cartoon version of Irish culture, not one that so gleefully joins in on
    it.
    -Joseph McCafferty A&S ’93

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