The Thumb in the Rye

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Marathon Monday – This is the last issue of The Heights you’ll see before that fateful day. Hold your weeping, child. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the glory of Patriots’ Day. Everywhere across this nation poor saps are going to class, walking around and acting like this is some sort of normal Monday. But not in Massachusetts! Here we rise and watch marathoners marathon in a glorious tribute to liberty and the founding fathers. We wander around campus and try to avoid that one guy puking on the sidewalk. We band together as one to appreciate the beauty of a three-day weekend while most likely being completely unaware that we’re supposed to be commemorating the anniversary of the battles at Lexington and Concord. But still!

Massachusetts – Wow! That was quite a commotion back there! Exclamation points everywhere! Incomplete sentences! While we’re still caught up in that Marathon fervor, let’s take a moment to appreciate Massachusetts: the rolling hills, the revolutionary battlefields, the cobblestone streets. Four years of college in Boston is unlike any other college experience. Now, we can watch The Departed, 21, Gone, Baby, Gone, The Town, Good Will Hunting, and Mystic River with people and point out places we’ve been. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.

John Adams – We’re on a roll with the Massachusetts, Revolution, patriotic stuff here. Go John Adams! Go pre-Revolutionary Boston!

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Tea – Who needs it? Let’s toss it in the harbor! WOOOO-EEEEEEEEEE

Unfortunate Jacket Choices – When you woke up for your 9 a.m. it looked cold outside. Your iPhone led you to believe it would be in the 30s. But your iPhone lied. Gasp. The sun’s shining and the air is humid. You look like a fool and a nincompoop in your heavy winter jacket. You’re sweating like a manatee, your shirt turning into a wrinkled swampland of unimaginable odor. Remembering that time you read that amazing thumbs down column about back sweat, you take a moment to reflect on the genius and astounding humility of whoever writes those things.

Out-of-Class Trips – “I didn’t sign up for this, man. I can’t handle the pressure. You expect me to figure out how to get on a bus and go somewhere to do some stuff. Maaaaaaaaaan, why can’t I just sit in class quietly for two and a half hours every week and not have to do this extra junk?” These thoughts run through your head as you jog toward the bus stop, hoping desperately to make it in time to attend the off-campus lecture on Pre-Optomalian Ornithological Predicates. Just as your turn the corner you see the bus pulling away, along with all your hopes and dreams.

Featured Image by Julia Hopkins / Heights Editor

April 13, 2016